


Trials of Trust

by yukiscorpio



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-14
Updated: 2004-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:55:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29682198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukiscorpio/pseuds/yukiscorpio
Summary: Just when you think you've found a love to outlast all others, its reality bites you, just to prove it.Warning for violence and implied gore towards the end.The rape/non-con warning is for an unsuccessful attempt in chapter 7 that's very briefly described.
Relationships: Fuji Shuusuke/Tezuka Kunimitsu





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on LJ on 14 April 2004.

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

Cerulean blue eyes squeeze shut. He is on his knees and elbows, his forehead pressed into the soft pillow. The man slams into him from behind, long fingers stroking his erection in time with the thrusts, which grow more urgent by the second.

He moans, begs for more, at the same time thinking he just cannot take any more. The man behind him whispers his name once, with ragged breath, and speeds up as his answer. The man never is a vocal person when it comes to sex. He isn't a vocal person in anything, even. But they both cry out when they reach their release, the body in front wrapping his arms around the pillow, his fingers tearing at the fabric, and the body behind him holds him around the waist with powerful arms.

When they can both breathe again, they rearrange themselves on the double bed.

"Tezuka." Fuji's eyes are closed, his head still swimming in the afterglow of sex. "Is everything okay?" He asks carefully, opting to phrase his question this way rather than asking "what's wrong".

Resting his chin on Fuji's head, Tezuka doesn't answer, only making a non-committal sound as his response. The man holds Fuji in a tight embrace, arms wrapping around him possessively and their legs tangled together. With a little difficulty, Fuji pulls an arm out from the hold, bringing it to Tezuka's hair to run gentle fingers through them, trying to soothe the other man.

"Tezuka...?"

Tezuka is usually gentle in bed. Tonight it felt a bit… unusual. It wasn't rough, but Fuji was caught off guard by the way Tezuka almost jumped him the moment he came home, and taking him like that, from behind. Both of them prefer facing each other during sex; even after several years, their bodies are still not designed to be used that way and they know that. They want to be able to watch out for any signs of pain, and also drink in the looks of pleasure. Tezuka once said he felt taking someone from behind is somewhat rude to the partner, as if he is merely an animal, not a man. Yet tonight Tezuka was so intense, and did something he said he didn't want to do.

Fingertips pressed lightly on his scalp, Tezuka feels the magic that Fuji always has with him. He sighs as the last bit of tension leaves his body with that simple touch. "Just stressed. Sorry." His arms tighten slightly, despite his tiredness. "Sorry." He says again, his voice barely a whisper. "Did I hurt you?"

Pressing his forehead against the broad chest, Fuji shakes his head. "It was great," he replies with a smile, "although next time I'd prefer to see your face when you come."

Tezuka chuckles a bit, and soon drifts off to sleep.

Fuji doesn't ask about the exact source of Tezuka's stress; Tezuka doesn't like discussing problems from work. He is still the same person as he was in high school, someone who shoulders everything by himself, someone who takes on the world and rejoices in the fact that he can do it. In work now he shows the same determination as he had in tennis, the simple desire to become the best driving him on.

Tezuka could have become the best in tennis.

Fuji's hand leaves that soft brown hair, resting now on Tezuka's left shoulder.

If only...

*

Tezuka has always thought Ooishi has chosen a good profession, one that suits his personality well. Ooishi is born to help people, and has such a strong sense of justice Tezuka cannot see him work anywhere else apart from the police force.

As for Kikumaru, Tezuka has to confess he still doesn't know him well, even after all these years. Kikumaru always looks like a hyperactive boy to him, even though they are all in their mid-twenties already, so him doing a desk job is still a rather difficult concept for Tezuka to grasp.

Kikumaru is the last to arrive, as usual, but he isn't late — Tezuka, Fuji and Ooishi are usually a few minutes early to every gathering. Sitting together at lunch, they make a strange mix: Tezuka looking impeccable in shirt and tie, Fuji looking as if he just came from a jog in his sports sweats, Ooishi in his smart-casual clothing (fortunately his division doesn't require uniform), and Kikumaru in t-shirt and jeans.

Kikumaru leads the conversation as usual, his animated speech hasn't changed much since high school, perhaps only very slightly calmer than it used to be. The atmosphere warms up, and soon all of them — even Tezuka — are laughing over an incident at Kikumaru's workplace. Fuji and Tezuka exchange occasional glances and smiles, but they don't touch each other or show any sign of intimacy that would indicate they are a couple. Their friends know about their relationship, but society is unforgiving. Even though Fuji doesn't care much about how people look at him, he doesn't want to become the obstacle to Tezuka's career, which is going so well now.

The redhead is telling them about another incident, one that he says is even better than the last one because this involved him as well, when he suddenly pauses and looks up with wide eyes. "Ah! You're..."

The other three at the table follow Kikumaru's gaze to look the man standing behind Ooishi. Like Tezuka, he is wearing a business suit, and his hands are slipped into pants pockets, his posture relaxed, and at the same time screams arrogance. He has the ever present conceited smile on his lips that the four friends know well.

Fuji is the first one to say the name. "Atobe. It's been a long time." His smile has the usual degree of faked politeness.

"Oh yeah! The guy from... Hyoutei!" Kikumaru finally remembers. Ooishi gives Atobe a polite nod, as does Tezuka.

The smile on Atobe Keigo's lips widen. He scans the table, his gaze resting on Tezuka for a moment, then shifting towards Fuji. "Oh, Tezuka and I have met recently already. Didn't he tell you?"

Fuji doesn't miss a beat. He replies, still smiling, "But _I_ haven't seen you for a long time." Tezuka hasn't told him, but Fuji isn't going to let Atobe know that. He isn't going to let the man who ruined his lover's shoulder have the upper hand on anything. And so what that the two have met recently? He doesn't think Tezuka needed to tell him.

"That is true." Extracting a hand from his pocket and tapping his lips with a finger, Atobe's smile doesn't change. "We can meet again sometime. That is..." he glances at Tezuka, "if Tezuka doesn't mind."

Tezuka merely arches an eyebrow at Atobe as his reply.

The ex-Hyoutei captain chuckles. "Well," he says, taking his leave, "nice to meet you all. Very nice. Enjoy your lunch."

Three pairs of eyes follow Atobe, until the man seats himself at a faraway table, then Ooishi mutters under his breath, "What a strange man." to which Kikumaru immediately agrees.

Fuji looks to his lover, who continues his lunch wordlessly. Keen eyes do not miss the stiffness that has suddenly found its way to Tezuka's back.

*

Tezuka returns home from his body checkup to find an elaborate Sunday lunch waiting for him.

The body checkups are an annual thing, part of the medical insurance Tezuka has bought for himself and Fuji. But today was the second time in four weeks his doctor asked him to go back for a more in-depth examination. He doesn't know what the problem maybe, neither has he asked, because guessing can be such a damaging thing to do, and knowing an uncertain answer now helps nothing.

He hasn't mentioned it to Fuji, but Fuji knows. They are not discussing it because they are thinking the same way, not because they're avoiding the issue.

But the silence between them, as they sit together after the meal to watch television with the sound turned off, is thicker, heavier than it usually is. They sit a little apart on the sofa, no parts of their bodies touching except where Tezuka's hand rests lightly over Fuji's, his thumb moving back and forth in an absent-minded motion on the pale skin. Neither of them want to guess, but they are guessing, worrying why the doctor felt the need to do repeated sight tests and x-rays, focusing all his examinations only on Tezuka's head. Tezuka's occasional fevers and headaches — which Fuji suspects are more frequent than Tezuka lets him know — only darken their thoughts, turning worry into fear, until they both feel suffocated by the silence they usually enjoy.

When the car racing coverage ends, and the hour-long weekly news roundup begins, Fuji turns, seeing Tezuka has turned to him at the same time, and the two smile at each other.

The next moment, Fuji finds himself pressed into the sofa, Tezuka's arms to either side of him, the slight smile he loves seeing so much stealing his breath away just because it can. The man above him lowers himself slowly, their lips meeting in a soft, sweet kiss, giving them the distraction they need right now.

Tezuka breaks the kiss after a few moments, and motions for Fuji to turn over and lay on his stomach. Knowing what it is his lover wants to do, Fuji follows the request, stripping off his shirt as well. Tezuka leaves for a while and comes back with massage oil.

Fuji loves these massages. Rarely does Tezuka do this for him — the man doesn't believe in over-indulgence — which makes the massages all the more special. Fuji loves the feel of those hands running up and down his body, warming him, the gentle pressure they exert as they move feels as though Tezuka is melting into him. This is Tezuka touching every part of him, loving every side of him. This is Tezuka showing his softer side, which he shows no one else, reserving it for Fuji only.

Under Tezuka's ministrations, even the stress and tightness Fuji isn't aware of in his body fade away, replaced by an euphoric buzz in his head. Fuji allows himself to sigh softly, to let Tezuka know how much he is enjoying what is being done to him. No words are said, but Tezuka's hands respond to the sounds, pressing knuckles or heels of his palms again and again, gentle yet forceful at the same time, on where Fuji's sighs turn into sounds that border pleasured moans.

When he finishes, Tezuka gently lays himself over Fuji, covering the half naked body with his own, and rests his chin in the crook of Fuji's neck. They stay still for several minutes, just listening to the sound of their breathing, then Fuji finally murmurs, his voice drowsy, "it'll be okay."

"It will." Tezuka presses a kiss to Fuji's neck, knowing Fuji can feel his smile. "Sleep?"

Not answering, Fuji reaches for the remote control to turn off the forgotten television. His gaze falls on the flashing screen for a moment, and lips part in surprise.

The man on top of him turns his head, his movement sluggish with a hint of sleep, until his eyes register what Fuji is seeing.

Atobe's smiling face is being shown in the news roundup. Fuji squints with sleepy eyes to read what subtitles say, but without a word, Tezuka reaches for the remote and switches of the television, then puts the gadget down. He takes Fuji's hands into his own. "Cold?"

"You're covering me." Fuji replies with a hint of a smile and more than a hint of sleepiness.

"Sleep then." The man on top of him whispers, burying his face in Fuji's hair once more, the relaxed intimacy reminding them why they both love Sundays so much.

They enjoy the days when they can be alone with their silence. They enjoy each other, finding in each other what they don't have in themselves, everything they want and need: Tezuka's obsession to do his best in everything, his need for someone to reign him in, and Fuji's need of a true challenge, his hidden desire to be smacked down and be told his genius alone isn't good enough; Tezuka's need for someone to love him not only for who he is, but also for who he strives to be, and Fuji's need for someone to love him not only for his good points, but also for his many flaws; Tezuka's need to love Fuji simply because he does, and...

"Tezuka," Fuji whispers the name, squeezing their fingers, and feels Tezuka clutching back.

They enjoy the silence, because actions convey so much more than words.

*

"30-40!"

Fuji plays tennis now because he loves. Because of the sound of ball connecting taut strings; because of the rush of adrenaline he gets when he meets another good player; because of the cheering crowds; because of Tezuka.

They had tried everything to save Tezuka's shoulder. There is a scar now from the surgery where they tried to repair the torn rotator cuff. Tezuka even agreed to have a small part of his acromion removed, but the damage sustained from that long-drawn match with Atobe could not be totally undone. Tezuka still played tennis through the rest of high school, but he knew his limits and didn't go professional. He said Fuji had already surpassed him during junior high, and between them there was a distance that he could not close using his right arm. There was no point in going professional.

Tezuka isn't bitter; he never regretted that match. Fuji still doesn't know why the man had to play that way. There is no shame in forfeiting due to injury, and they were both sure Echizen would win when he came on next. Tezuka had sacrificed his shoulder, his future, to lead Fuji out of his self-imposed cage. Was it that important? Was there no other way? Fuji doesn't understand, but he accepts this now as part of what makes Tezuka the man he is.

Tezuka is happy to let tennis drift out of his life. He is satisfied that he has led Fuji to find who he is, and play to his best ability. And so Fuji plays for him, strives to become the best for him. His name is still little known in the professional circuit, but Fuji, as well as Tezuka, know he will become the best.

"Set won by Fuji, 6-4!"

Today Tezuka hasn't come to watch the match. A cold feeling gnaws at Fuji's stomach as he sits down, catching his breath for the next set, thinking about where his lover is right now. He has suggested for Tezuka to move his medical appointment to another date so that they can go together, but the man was determined to find out what is wrong with him as soon as possible, and so has chosen to go alone today.

In a sense, Fuji thinks Tezuka has an idea of what the problem may be, and doesn't want him to be there when it's finally confirmed. That would explain the stress, the almost-rough sex, the delicate yet possessive, almost desperate handling afterwards...

The coldness spreads in him as he tries to imagine playing tennis, or simply, living without the man. Suddenly the crowds are too loud, the rush in his veins no longer giving him that natural high, and he wants to just get away from this place. But he grips his racket harder and stands, ready for the next set. There are desires and there are obligations, and there are ways to show his love for Tezuka. Tennis is one of them.


	2. Chapter 2

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

His hands are gripping the steering wheel so hard they hurt. Tezuka focuses on this pain, trains his eyes on the road ahead of him, telling himself to just get home safely. He wants to see Fuji. Although he knows Fuji won't be home yet — the younger man has a match today and will need to go to the dinner afterwards as per routine — he knows Fuji will try to get home as soon as he can.

Finally parking his car in the underground carpark, Tezuka suddenly feels too drained of energy to move. Closing his eyes, he slumps into the leather seat, his mind still trying to process what he has learned today. For a moment he contemplates hiding it from Fuji, then dismisses the idea with a scowl. Fuji will find out sooner or later, Tezuka doesn't want to hide anything from him. It will only make both of them feel upset and guilty when the truth comes out.

Fuji had wanted to go with him, suggesting if Tezuka changes the appointment to tomorrow, then they can go together. Somehow, although wishing so much Fuji is here with him right now, Tezuka is glad he went alone. He knows his lover, he knows the best way to break the news to him. If there is a best way at all.

Without a sound, Tezuka leaves the car and takes the elevator to his flat.

In the end, when Fuji comes home, Tezuka just lets the man sit at the edge of the bed and read his medical report, because every sentence he has planned to say just refuses to leave his lips.

Fuji reads the report twice, taking an unusually long time, then he drops it onto the bed, and looks up at Tezuka, who stands leaning against the wardrobe. Blue eyes crinkle as the smaller man smiles and walks towards his lover, feet landing softly on carpeted floor as he does so. Compared to junior high school times, Tezuka is only slightly taller than he is now, and he tilts his face up to look into the man's dark brown eyes.

"Interesting." He says, the smile becoming brighter as he feels the need to hide the storm that is blowing inside of him. He needs to be strong.

Tezuka slowly breathes out. "Yes."

"You won't die on me right away will you?"

"No. Not for at least another few years I think." Tezuka watches the corners of Fuji's lip quiver, watches the smile crumble. Biting his lips, he takes Fuji into his arms, crushing the smaller body to his own.

The moment they contact, Fuji starts to tremble. He wants to say something but he cannot trust his own voice. He leans his weight into Tezuka, and wonders how the man can be still be so composed. He is supposed to be strong for Tezuka now, not the other way around. But this is Tezuka. Tezuka has always been the one to support everything, because he has such strength and control. Tezuka is the pillar. He is the centre of Fuji's world.

One of Tezuka's hand rests on Fuji's head, fingers threading through locks of light brown hair. "I'm sorry, Fuji."

"Why the hell are you saying sorry!" The other man asks, despite knowing why. He knows the way Tezuka's mind works. "It's just a stupid bloody tumour, it's not like it's going to kill you!" He yells into Tezuka's shirt.

Somehow, hearing that, Tezuka finds the strength to smile. He nods, loosening his hold, trying to ease the tension a little.

Very soon, Fuji pushes himself off Tezuka, standing on his own again. Brilliantly blue eyes meet ordinary brown ones, seeing the fire that burns underneath the facade, and he smiles, this time geniunely. If Tezuka isn't afraid, there is no reason for him to be, either. There are always ways to fight back, and Tezuka is natural fighter, a survivor. They are going to declare battle now.

Tezuka breaks the silence. "You've had dinner already?"

Fuji nods. "But I excused myself before dessert and rushed back."

"Ah." Tezuka takes a moment to consider this. Then he smirks, playfully, just a little. "Would you like your dessert now?"

Hearing the tone, Fuji raises an eyebrow. The smirk registers, and he answers with one of his own. "Of course, if you're offering."

When Fuji pushes — or rather, shoves — Tezuka onto the bed, the taller man cannot help but chuckle.

His clock is ticking now. The tumour is practically stuck to the artery in his brain, with little to no chance of a successful removal, but it may be a long, long time before it starts to affect him. Dying doesn't seem to be as daunting a thing as some people make it. Death comes in so many ways, he just has one more than most people, that's all. At least Fuji will be here with him.

Tezuka isn't afraid of death. He is only afraid of leaving Fuji behind.

But as keen lips seek his for a heated kiss, Tezuka lets the thought fade away. The future is important, but so is here-and-now.

*

Tezuka's tumour is actually an abnormal growth on his artery which has been there all his life, but has escaped medical attention until it has grown to a significant size. He has to go for checkups monthly, and report any signs of ill health, but apart from that, nothing is being done about it. There is chance that the lump will stop growing and never affect him. Operation or any forms of therapy may just aggravate the situation, so until there are signs of deteriorating health, they will just keep their eyes open.

Fuji looks at the doctors and the only thing he thinks of is sitting ducks, although he never says it out loud.

And life goes on, because it does. Fuji tries not to overreact every time he sees that small furrow between Tezuka's brows that mean the man is having a headache, and fights the urge to ask him to take a break whenever he sees Tezuka feeling stressed after work, knowing Tezuka doesn't want to be fussed over.

Sitting up in bed, Fuji picks up the magazine on the nightstand, a thick men's magazine with fashion, cars, women, sports and boys' toys, for some distraction. He has planned to grow old with Tezuka, he just can't keep on thinking and panicking like that. A while later, he hears the shower being turned off, and Tezuka emerges from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, towelling wet hair. Fuji sets the magazine aside and throws the blanket back, gesturing for the other man to go to bed, which Tezuka ignores.

Tezuka sets the hairdryer to low, and nods towards the magazine Fuji has been reading. "We want to expand the sports section, to have interviews as well as the usual coverage."

Fuji cocks his head to a side and listens with interest. Hardly ever does Tezuka talk about his work, although Fuji tries to read all three of the magazines Tezuka's company publishes, one monthly and two bi-weekly's.

"Can I ask you for the first interview?"

"Me?" Blue eyes open wide in surprise. Fuji chuckles. "I'm not famous."

"You will be."

"So, you want to say 'we got Fuji Syusuke's first interview' when I become famous or something?" Fuji smiles sweetly as Tezuka frowns at his joke. He knows for a new section in the relatively young magazine, it will be difficult to get famous sportsmen to do the first few interviews, and that is one of the reasons Tezuka is asking him. But he understands the look in Tezuka's eyes, and knows there is another reason.

Would anyone, even close friends like Ooishi and Kikumaru, believe Fuji if he tells them Tezuka is an incredible, romantic sweetheart?

"I'd love to have the first interview, Tezuka."

Tezuka doesn't return Fuji's smile, only turns away, concentrating on drying his hair again. But when Fuji moves over to wrap arms around his midriff, he leans back into the warm embrace, and he smiles, just a little.

*

"Mind if I sit down?"

Before Tezuka looks up from the newspaper, someone has already pulled out the chair opposite him. Atobe crosses legs in front of him, leaning forward slightly on the small table. When a waiter comes to them, he orders a coffee.

Tezuka gives a curt nod.

"I read the article." Atobe says, his voice smooth, with a hint of a smile. "Quite well done."

"Which one are you referring to?" The other man folds his newspaper slowly and puts it away, before brown eyes meet Atobe's grey ones. "I don't write the articles, but I'll pass your comments on."

"I've stuck the page on my wall."

Atobe smiles wider when he sees Tezuka's eyes widen, betraying the other man's calm facade. Objective achieved, he stands up, straightening his designer suit as he does so, and goes to sit at another table, gesturing for the waiter to take his cup of coffee over there instead.

Tezuka pays the bill and leaves the cafe.

*

Fuji blinks when he feels the mattress sinking just a little, and the blankets being lifted, a warm body slipping into bed next to him. Stretching his lithe body, he turns around on the bed, smiling when Tezuka studies his face, aided by moonlight filtering through the beige curtains.

"It's going well." Tezuka answers the unvoiced question, settling comfortably into bed, closing his eyes when Fuji puts an arm around him. "Kimura-san is a great help. Everything is ready..."

The rest of his words are swallowed when Fuji crawls over a bit more and kisses him sleepily, sprawling himself over the larger man as he does so. Fuji smiles when he pulls away.

"That's good, because I don't sleep well on my own." He chuckles when arms wind around him. The company will be listed on the market tomorrow. Tezuka has been working hard the last few weeks to make sure everything will run smoothly, and Fuji understands the need of the late nights. "You need to make it up to me later."

Tezuka doesn't reply directly. He tugs the blanket around them better. "... I've been thinking about going on a vacation."

Fuji pushes himself off Tezuka's chest, blue eyes opening in surprise. Did Tezuka, the man who only pushes and never stops, just say the word "vacation"? In his memory, Fuji has never heard Tezuka say this word, ever since they first met when they were only twelve.

Without needing to ask, Fuji can easily guess it is because of the tumour. They don't know how much more time Tezuka has, the doctors said at least several years, hopefully, if Tezuka treats himself well, but nobody can be sure.

"In a month or so, when I'm sure everything is steady. Kimura-san can handle the company." Tezuka continues to murmur, "But only if you want to go too, and can get some time off."

Fuji just snickers as his reply. Time off will not be a problem; he always has a way to make his manager let him do what he wants. "Where are we going to?"

He can hear the slight smile in Tezuka's tired voice. He is on the edge of falling asleep. "Where do you want to go?"

Fuji doesn't even stop to think. "Switzerland."

"Hm."

"I want to see the Matterhorn."

The only reply Fuji receives is a slight squeeze on his arm as Tezuka loses the fight against his need to sleep. Resting his head on the man's shoulder, Fuji doesn't need to look up to know Tezuka has fallen asleep smiling, because he knows Matterhorn is where Tezuka wants to go.

*

As a small publishing company, the market's response to its listing is fairly good. Tezuka was against going to the market to start with, but Kimura-san was right, their limited profit margin will never allow them to expand the company the way they want; they need to raise capital. Although it feels like he is putting his father's life's work up for grabs, and this makes him anxious, the fact him and Kimura-san are holding 51% of the shares between them is reassuring.

"Must I kick you every night to make you go home, Kunimitsu?"

Tezuka looks up from his computer screen to nod at Kimura, who stands at the doorway of his office, shaking his head. "I'm just wrapping things up."

At that, Kimura chuckles, walking into the office and taking a seat opposite Tezuka. The chair complains a little when the plump body squeezes itself into it. "I swear, you're just like Kuniharu. Both workaholics."

Tezuka smiles, just a little, at the mention of his father's name. "I only hope I'm anywhere as good as my father."

Kimura lifts an arm and pretends to reach over to hit Tezuka on the head. "I watched you grow up, kid. I know how good you are. And I've promised Kuniharu to look after you."

Tezuka just looks at Kimura, and doesn't say a word. Kimura was his father's best friend and work partner, and has been a part of Tezuka's life for as long as he can remember. Kimura had literally watched him grow up. There is white in the man's hair now, and he has inescapably gained much weight since hitting middle-age, but in the past the same man had went on numerous mountain climbing trips with Tezuka and his father. They had gone to the Matterhorn together.

The young man nods, feeling almost nostalgic. Kimura is a work partner, a teacher, and a second father. Sometimes Tezuka wonders if he should tell the man about his health conditions, but...

"Well anyway, the advance copy from that new company. It's launching the day after tomorrow."

He glances at the magazine Kimura puts on the desk, then takes it into his hands, flipping to the contents page. As expected, the layout of this new magazine is very similar to their own.

"So, what do you think?"

Tezuka lowers the magazine. "It's no big deal."

Kimura leans back into his chair, a smile on his thin lips, as if he has anticipated this reaction.

"You have so much experience, Kimura-san." Tezuka fingers the pages absently, brown eyes shining with confidence. "This is nothing you haven't seen before. Why do we need to worry?"

"True."

A while later they close the office. Tezuka takes the new magazine home with him to read it through. He has won his war with this man before, but he is never careless.

And he knows that where Atobe Keigo is concerned, one must never take anything lightly.


	3. Chapter 3

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

Morning dew on blades of wet grass seeps through the legs of Fuji's dark jeans as he places his bouquet of white flowers before the headstones. He doesn't say a word, but copies what Tezuka does when the other man crouches down to pull out wild weeds and long grass around the stones, which has grown since Tezuka last visited over four months ago, when his health condition was diagnosed.

Finished, they take a few steps back to stand at a respectable distance from the stones. Blue eyes flicker open in surprise when Tezuka wets tissues with water from his bottle, then takes Fuji's hands into his own, and very carefully, gently cleans the hands of mud and dirt. Tezuka takes his time to wipe each finger, checks under the nails, and runs a thumb over callused skin that has thickened from years of tennis playing.

"Tezuka—" Fuji begins, then catches himself, looking down apologetically. This isn't the time or place to call Tezuka by his pet name or show any kind of intimacy with him at all.

But Tezuka looks up, and Fuji thinks he sees a smile in those brown eyes. When he is done, the taller man cleans his own hands too, then dries them. And in front of his parents' graves, he takes Fuji's hand into his own.

Fuji stands still, in complete shock. Earlier in the morning, soon after they got up, he was already surprised when Tezuka asked him to come to this place with him. Tezuka's parents never knew about them; even after they died, Fuji has never came to their graves, not even once, because every time he offered to go with his lover, Tezuka always gave a small shake of his head as his reply.

And now, suddenly all this.

Unconsciously Fuji holds the hand in his tight, until he is clutching so hard Tezuka must begin to feel pain, but Tezuka doesn't look at him, only stares straight ahead at the gravestones before them as he speaks.

"Right now there are still some things I need to do." The man does not murmur. The voice is clear and determined. It is the same voice Fuji has known since he was young. "But when that's done, I'm planning to hand the company over to Kimura-san and drop out of the executive position. Perhaps quit the job altogether. It's something I need to do for the employees and the shareholders. Even now, it's already wrong of me to hide my tumour from them."

During the man's momentary pause, Fuji realises Tezuka is not really talking to his parents, but to him.

"I don't know what life will be like from now on."

Fuji bites his lip and runs his thumb on the back of Tezuka's hand. Tezuka isn't referring to money, of course. He has enough savings, their flat was paid for in full, not mortgaged, and even Fuji's salary alone is enough to support both of them if Tezuka stops working. Neither of them spends much money anyway. They only work hard because they love their work.

But it's only been four months. The doctors said Tezuka may still have years to live. Why is he saying all this? What did the doctors say during the checkup last week that Fuji didn't manage to attend with Tezuka?

The strong, unwavering voice answers Fuji's question before it is voiced. "It's growing faster than expected. Much faster. They're giving me 2 years at most now. Unless it slows down, somehow."

If the warm hand in his isn't lending him strength, the shorter man thinks his knees would have buckled. The only word he can think of now is "why" — didn't they say that Tezuka still has much time, if he treats himself well? Then why suddenly has this new bomb been dropped, or has Fuji been wrong to even hope the doctors had been right with their estimation in the beginning?

Tawny hair tumbles a little when Fuji shakes his head absently, then settles to frame the face again. He will stop believing in those doctors from now on.

" _Tezuka_ ," He says, turning to Tezuka, and consciously stopping himself from forcing out a smile, "I believe in you more than I do those men in white coats."

That is all that's needed to be said. Tezuka's expression softens, as does his voice.

"Let's go home."

*

Fuji slowly wakes when he feels small movements on the bed. Blue eyes open, brows creasing a little at the bright light from the window, and he sees Tezuka trying to undo the tie around his wrists with his teeth. Suppressing a chuckle, Fuji watches in amusement, for a moment pretending to still be asleep and not moving to help the other man. But half a minute later, when he notices the frown deepening on Tezuka's face, Fuji reaches over and removes the silk tie with quick fingers.

"Tezuka."

Tezuka snorts once, shaking his head a little. "You should have done this before we fell asleep."

Fuji smiles gently. They were both too tired to even move then, and the idea of waking up and seeing Tezuka with nothing on but a tie around his wrists was an idea too enticing to ignore. But the smile is dropped when he sees the man run a hand through dark hair, with that furrow between his brows that mean Tezuka is having a headache. Wordlessly he slides off the bed, shivering a bit when his naked body meets cold air before he puts on his bathing robe. He finds Tezuka's medication and fills a glass of warm water in the kitchen, then pads back into the bedroom, picking the phone up on the way when it rings.

"Hello?" Tezuka is trying to take his focus off the headache. The man is sitting up in bed reading _The Little Prince_ , Fuji's favourite book. Securing the phone between his ear and shoulder, Fuji holds out the pills and the glass of water, which Tezuka takes without a word, then goes back to reading.

"Hello! Fuji it's me, nyah."

Fuji smiles, switching to hold the phone with his hand as he gets back into the warm bed. "Eiji." He says, for Tezuka's benefit, "How're you?"

"Oh me, I'm doing great as usual." Kikumaru's voice seems to suddenly have dropped a bit lower. "And you guys?"

"Having a lazy Sunday." A fingertip traces random patterns on Tezuka's skin as Fuji answers, his voice laced with suspicion. "Eiji... what is it?"

For a little while Kikumaru makes some hesitant sounds on his side of the phone. "I mean like... is everything okay? How's Tezuka?"

Fuji's finger stops. Tezuka's gaze leaves the book to settle on cerulean eyes, before he turns his attention away again. Quickly Fuji runs through the possibilities in his head. They haven't told any of their friends about Tezuka's condition yet, there is no way Kikumaru can know about it... "What do you mean?"

This time Kikumaru pauses for even longer. Somehow Fuji thinks he is going to lose his patience, but finally the other side speaks again. "Do you keep up with the business news? You know about Atobe, nyah?"

"... I don't know what you're talking about, Eiji."

"Ah damn." Kikumaru curses. In his mind's eye Fuji can see his friend screwing his eyes shut and pulling a face, the way he always does when he knows he has done something he shouldn't. "Nevermind. Forget it then, Fujiko!"

" _Eiji_."

"But if ya don't know then it means I'm not supposed to tell ya!" Now Kikumaru sounds like he is pulling his red hair out. "You know it's part of my job description to know all the finance and business stuff... and I also heard things from Ooishi..."

Fuji's expression, now serious and worried, has caught Tezuka's attention. But he smiles at the other man, waving a hand to tell him that everything is fine. He takes a look at the clock. "Do you have time? Let's meet up for tea. Would that be easier?"

They arrange a time then hang up. Tezuka finally lowers his book and looks at Fuji with slight concern when the smaller man gets out of bed and heads for the shower.

"I'll be back in time for dinner." Fuji says, pulling out clean clothes from his drawers. To Tezuka's questioning look, he can only shrug. "I don't know. Eiji wouldn't tell me on the phone. I hope it's nothing."

He honestly hopes it's nothing.

*

Atobe Keigo has shocked the financial world when he announced he wasn't going to follow his father's footsteps but instead opened a publishing company, something completely unrelated to his family business.

Four months on, two of the magazines under Atobe Publishing are crashing head-on with the ones Tezuka's family business is printing. What Atobe lacked in experience, he paid for with money, employing the best in the field, and Tezuka sees his second member of staff leaving his own company to work for Atobe, within four months.

It is a continuation of their battle from over ten years ago.

"Are you okay, son?"

Tezuka looks up from his paperwork to Kimura, whose features are suddenly marred with concern, and moves forward quickly to grab the box of tissue, shoving it in front of Tezuka's face. Tezuka blinks, not understanding, until he sees a drop of blood falling onto the tissues, redness dispersing on the material. Pulling a tissue out, he covers his nose with it and pulled his glasses off, squeezing the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Don't stress out so much, Kunimitsu. This is no big deal. Nothing I haven't seen before." Kimura crossed arms before his chest. "I wasn't in the business for thirty years for nothing."

Tezuka just nods, not trying to speak as he tends to his nosebleed. Whilst Kimura's words are comforting, and he trusts Kimura like he would trust his father, there is nothing simple about going against a company with such a financial backing, with an executive who is set on crushing him.

But Tezuka never backs down from a challenge. He had faced Atobe before, and although he had lost his bet — his future as a professional tennis player — he made the message clear, that nobody, absolutely nobody could take anything away from him.

Or anyone.

And if anyone asks him, Tezuka will say he doesn't regret his choice. Because he can live life without tennis, but he cannot imagine life without Fuji.

It has been more than ten years and he still hasn't changed. And now Fuji is with him; Fuji loves him. There is no way Tezuka will let Atobe change anything.

"Go home. It's Sunday." Kimura's voice tugs Tezuka from his thoughts. "You aren't supposed to be working!" He pets Tezuka on the shoulder once, then his eyebrows furrow, and he gestures at the tissues in Tezuka's hand. "It still hasn't stopped? Want me to drive you?"

The young man waves a little and mumbles a "I'm fine" and leaves the office. Fuji had taken the car when he left to meet Kikumaru, and Tezuka is glad about that because even though the nosebleed has stopped by the time he exits the building, if it starts again whilst he drives it would be very messy. Throwing bloodied tissues into a nearby trashcan, he checks the time, and decides he can take a detour to buy some dinner before taking the bus home.

He gets home at around dinner time to be greeted by silence. But as soon as he puts the takeaway sushi into the fridge, he hears the sound of a key in the lock, so he leaves the kitchen to open the front door. "I bought dinner—"

It isn't until Fuji's hand stops just millimetres away from his face, and he feels air moving near his cheek, that Tezuka reacts, catching the wrist and ducking slightly, brown eyes widening in shock as they stared into cerulean ones. He doesn't know what to make of Fuji's expression at that moment — anger, pain, sorrow, misery, everything twisted into one. Shaking, fingers curl, until the open palm becomes a tightly clenched fist, then Fuji wrenches his hand away from Tezuka, pushing past the taller man as he enters their flat, storming towards the bedroom.

"Fuji!" Not understanding, Tezuka slams the door shut and follows Fuji with hurried footsteps. Hearing the call, the other man stops, almost screeching to a halt just outside their room, and Tezuka runs into him, knocking them both off-balance. Steadying both of them by holding Fuji by his shoulders, Tezuka forces Fuji to turn around. "What on earth is going on?"

The anger burning in Fuji's eyes would crush, would make anyone whimper in pain, but Tezuka isn't just anyone. After several seconds of stare-down, the tension melts, just a little, when Fuji forces himself to smile, and takes a step back, into their room. "Give me half an hour... I need a bit of time to calm down."

And the door closes in front of Tezuka.


	4. Chapter 4

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

Thirty minutes later, Tezuka stands outside the bedroom door. He knocks tentatively. "Fuji."

There are no sounds coming from the other side.

The left side of Tezuka's head is hurting, as if there is a bruise on his brain and something is pressing down hard on it. His pain medications are in the room, but he doesn't want to use that as an excuse to make Fuji unlock the door. He walks to the kitchen and takes the box of sushi from the fridge, then goes back to the closed door again.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?" His face twists in pain. A hand goes into his hair to grab at the side of his head, as if they would make the headache lessen. For a brief moment he sees two doorhandles, then everything is glowing white as if to reflect the white hot pain in his skull. "Fuji... you said half an hour. Talk to me." Fighting to not show anything in his voice, Tezuka bows a little, pressing his forehead on the hardwood of the door, a hand holding the sushi box and the other clutching the doorhandle for support. Perhaps he should just say he needs his pills...

In the room, Fuji is curled up in bed, turned away from the door. Blue eyes stare blankly out the window. He knows he should open the door, but he just doesn't have the strength to do it. He doesn't know how to face Tezuka right now.

"Sorry, give me a bit more time." He says, hoping Tezuka can hear him through the door.

"Syusuke—"

Fuji turns around when he hears a noise, a dull sound he cannot name, then another sound of something plastic landing on the floor.

"Tezuka?"

Silence.

Suddenly Fuji remembers being told never to let Tezuka undergo any sort of pressure. "Tezuka!" Scrambling off the bed, he dashes to the door and yanks it open. On the floor, Tezuka loses the last bit of support he has when the door is pulled away from him, and he falls, shoulder landing first, onto the carpet. The box of sushi is next to his left hand, which has gone completely limp.

"Oh my God." Dropping onto his knees, Fuji brushes the sweat-damp hair away from Tezuka's eyes, and finds him semi-conscious. "Tezuka?"

Having had his breath knocked out by the fall, it takes Tezuka minutes — a time long enough to make Fuji want to call for an ambulance — to focus his sight, and even longer to reply, asking for his medication. Scampering away, too frightened to even think, Fuji gets the pills for Tezuka. By the time he manages to contact their doctor on the phone, the strong, fast-acting prescription has begun to work.

Sitting up on the floor, leaning against the wall, Tezuka is already reaching for the phone when the doctor asks Fuji to let him speak to Tezuka directly. It is when the taller man speaks, describing the pain and reluctantly mentions his earlier nosebleed, that guilt hits Fuji with the force of a high speed train. Angry at himself for being so stupid and at Tezuka for being so stubborn, he barely realises Tezuka is passing the phone back to him.

"Make sure he comes to see me first thing tomorrow morning, Fuji-san. And that he takes his medication at the first sign of distress!" The doctor's voice, completely exasperated, only makes Fuji wonder more if his insensitivity has done any permanent damage. "Also, stress is Tezuka-san's greatest enemy. You know what I mean? Never allow him to stress out!"

Despite everything that has happened, and the fact that he is feeling completely shattered, Tezuka cannot help but chuckle when Fuji puts the phone down, his face looking like a child who has done something very wrong. In all these years he has known Fuji, he cannot remember ever seeing an expression like that. Standing up, he picks up the box of sushi, giving it to Fuji. "Eat first—"

He pauses mid-sentence when Fuji throws himself on him, arms winding so tightly Tezuka finds it difficult to breathe. "I'm sweaty, Fuji." He says, his voice tired. But when Fuji's only response is the tightening of his arms, Tezuka puts his own arms around Fuji, and bows his head.

_I'm sorry..._

_It's okay._

It feels somewhat reassuring, pressing his ear to Tezuka's chest and hearing his heartbeat. Fuji thought he was going to lose Tezuka, just like that. Tezuka is just going to collapse, when he isn't there, or just when he isn't looking, and leave, quietly and alone. Because this is Tezuka, the man who shoulders everything on his own, who Fuji knows doesn't want to be seen dying not because of the weakness it implies, but because he doesn't want anyone to bear the pain.

Fuji chews his lip. How can one person be so selfish and selfless at the same time?

He lets himself be led to the bed, but blinks in surprise when Tezuka strips him of his shirt and makes him lie down on his chest. When he sees Tezuka pulling open a drawer for the massage oil, he pushes himself up. Tezuka shouldn't be doing this for him right now. And doesn't he want to talk?

The taller man pushes Fuji back down and kneels beside him, not saying a word. When warm hands glide on slightly cool skin, the healing power of the simple touch makes both of them sigh, the slow, smooth movements gradually take away all the tension and hurt inside them. Fuji's sense of time and space fades away then, Tezuka's touch now the only thing he is aware of. The way Tezuka puts his weight behind each push makes him feel as though they are joining together, two beings melting into one.

Fuji always wonders why Tezuka can do this, how he has learned to do it, although when he once asked Tezuka just shrugged and said it was trial and error. He has never done it to anyone else, only Fuji. But Fuji remembers his surprise when he felt those hands for the first time, the already expert skills that meant every push of the palms, every press of the knuckles was comforting and pleasuring.

When Fuji thinks hard about it, he puts it down to Tezuka's sensitivity. Those hard, brown eyes always observe, as if cold to the world, but they take in everything and Tezuka takes everything to heart. A natural leader, he has a way of making use of knowledge, be it to draw out his team's potential, to motivate those who work for him now, or to make Fuji feel wanted, understand exactly the way Tezuka is feeling, that he is an immovable, irreplaceable part of Tezuka's life.

Even now, it is as if Tezuka can tell he's thinking hard. And those hands settle on the back of Fuji's neck, thumbs pressing hard and pushing upwards to ease the muscles and take away the tension. In response, Fuji moans softly and stops thinking, letting his eyes slide close.

When Fuji opens his eyes again, he is alone in the bed. Realising he has fallen asleep, he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, then freezes when everything that has happened in the day comes crashing back to him. In a panic he sits up, but before he begins a frantic search for Tezuka, the bathroom door opens, revealing the taller man, who climbs into bed, sitting up beside Fuji.

Fuji leans over and traces a finger along the scar left from Tezuka's shoulder operation when he was only 14. He finally feels calm enough to speak.

"Eiji told me about Atobe." He whispers.

Tezuka's only reaction is to close his eyes and sigh silently.

"Your arm, your future in exchange for him to leave me alone."

_"Ooishi told me nyah, that Atobe's so demanding and stuff, and he always got what he wanted, the spoilt brat... and he had his eyes on you nyah. Apparently Atobe made loads of threats and was gonna force you to transfer to Hyoutei! You don't know what a guy can do with so much money. He could buy out the teachers, even the schools!_

_"And Tezuka basically put his foot down and told him to get lost, you know? He's liked ya ever since we started in Seigaku... that long match between them was Tezuka showing us what it meant to play with everything we've got... and also telling Atobe he won't back down no matter what."_

Fuji was furious when he first found out, that Tezuka could have done such a thing without ever letting him know, made such a sacrifice and be completely silent about it. When he got home and saw Tezuka's face, the first thing he wanted to do was to hit him, hurt him for being such a stupid, stubborn bastard, and for hiding something like this from him, without ever planning to let him know the truth.

Then locking himself in the bedroom, his mind became blank. He didn't know how to face Tezuka.

It was because of him that Tezuka couldn't play tennis anymore... because of him that Tezuka gave up his dream of being on top of the world... because of him that Atobe is still trying to crush Tezuka in every way.

_"It seemed that Atobe got the message then, and left you alone, but he's coming back again nyah. God knows why... but did you see him on telly? It was quite a while ago already... he started something in the same field as Tezuka! I think he's trying to force Tezuka's company out of business!"_

Brown eyes open again, blinking several times before they turn to fix on bright blue ones. Tezuka knows what Fuji is thinking. That it wasn't worth it. "I don't think of it that way. I did what I wanted to do, that's all."

What he wanted to do... to make sure Fuji stayed with him, even when back then they were simply friends — Fuji has no idea Tezuka already loved him when they were so young. What Tezuka did, he did for himself, of course, yet it was, and still is, unbelievable, that he has already loved Fuji so much to give away his potential tennis career just like that.

"You make it sound so simple." The smaller man murmurs, his finger tracing a path towards Tezuka's hand, then their fingers weave together.

"It is that simple."

Tezuka doesn't explain further. That is all he thinks he needs to say, because he truly did what he wanted to do and he never regretted that decision. As for what Atobe is doing right now... Fuji doesn't need to know about it. Fuji hasn't got much interest in the business world anyway.

Fuji watches Tezuka reach for the sushi box on the side table, putting it on his lap. Tezuka doesn't mention Atobe starting a rival firm, and somehow Fuji thinks it is better to not talk about it. It will just be stressful, and didn't Tezuka say he will stop working soon? Tezuka doesn't need to be fussed over by anyone. He knows what he needs to do, for the sake of his health.

Finally able to smile, Fuji chooses a piece of salmon sushi and pops it in his mouth.

Tezuka should know what to do. And if he doesn't, Fuji is there to make sure Atobe stays out of their lives.

*

This is not possible.

This is exactly the main feature they are going to do for next month's issue.

Tezuka and Kimura stare at each other, then at the magazine on the desk. Kimura speaks first. "The second time in a row. This is definitely not a coincidence."

Tezuka reads the article, frowning wearily. But if this isn't a coincidence, it means someone in the company is leaking their plans to Atobe Publishing, and looking out of the glass window of his office to see everyone working so hard, how can he even think that one — or some — of them is helping Atobe to bring him down?

"We only have a few days until printing. There isn't time to write another main feature." Tezuka concludes, ignoring Kimura's observation. "We'll have to keep to our plans, but take a different angle." Quickly he makes an internal call for the lead journalist to see him.

"Yes we need to do that now, but son," Kimura squeezes himself into the chair opposite Tezuka, looking at him in the eye. "This isn't the long term solution."

Tezuka's lips press into a hard line. Eyes flicking to look out the window again, he doesn't want to accept, but still have to accept the possibility of someone selling information to Atobe. "But we don't know who it is, and there's no evidence."

When the lead journalist knocks on Tezuka's door, Kimura pushes himself up again. "Leave it to me. I know what to do."

As Kimura leaves, and the journalist walks in, Tezuka cannot help but think he is leaving all the dirty work to Kimura.

*

One week later, one of the photographers leaves for another job, and one of the editors, an old man who has worked for the company ever since it began, chooses to retire.

The rumour goes, around the workplace, that those two had sold information to another magazine for quick cash, and were asked to leave. When Tezuka walks around the office, voices become hushed, and smiles fade. No one knows what is happening, only that two of their friends no longer work with them, and they don't want to be the next ones to disappear.

Tezuka can see even Kimura is starting to feel the strain. The way the older man slouches when he sits, and rubs his forehead heavily, both speak of worry and doubt. In the end, Tezuka finds himself to be the one reassuring themselves that they had done the right thing, even if it means they have lost two of the very best in the office. But he knows even this is not the long term solution. As long as Atobe holds his grudge and continues his obsession about Fuji, the man will never leave him alone.

But what can he do?

Compound with the fact that their new subscription and re-subscription rates are in constant decline ever since the launch of Atobe's magazines, Tezuka cannot help but wonder if he will be the downfall to his family business. When he looks to Kimura, the man looks equally defeated, and asks why the other company is so set on destroying them. Tezuka doesn't know how to answer.

He should be leaving the job. But Tezuka doesn't want to let Kimura handle all this alone, nor does he want to look like he is running away from Atobe. Even if he leaves now, Tezuka knows he will constantly worry about the business, until Atobe's attacks come to an end.

"Kunimitsu."

Brown eyes blink open when a large pair of hands shakes Tezuka gently. It takes a few seconds for Tezuka to realise that he has fallen asleep, when he was just going to rest his eyes for a few minutes. He gets tired so easily these days. Nodding at Kimura, he sees that the man is pointing at the door, where a familiar figure is standing, someone he can recognise without putting his glasses on.

"He said he's your friend?"

Tezuka nods again, reaching for his glasses. Kimura lets Fuji enter then. "Kimura-san, Fuji Syusuke."

"Nice to meet you, Kimura-san." Fuji smiles, blue eyes crinkling shut as he bows respectfully. "I thought I'd just visit. I bought some food, if you don't mind eating with us?"

Kimura shakes his head with a laugh. "My wife's waiting for me. Nice of you though, thanks." He gives them both a wave. "See you tomor — oh dear."

Fuji follows Kimura's gaze to look at Tezuka, who is pinching the bridge of his nose, his head tipped forward. With a sigh, he walks around the desk to get some tissues for Tezuka. "Having a nosebleed every few days isn't normal, son. Go take a day off and see a doctor."

Blue eyes open wide in shock. His fingers slacking, the bag of dinner slips from Fuji's hand, fortunately landing on the desk.

"Kimura-san..." Eyes flicking to Fuji, then back to Kimura again, Tezuka sighs inwardly.

Kimura cuts Tezuka short. "I know how this place is run. You don't need to worry about it. Take some time off."

"Of course you do, Kimura-san. But the workload should be shared."

A smooth voice cuts in. Fuji's smile is layered with a degree of falseness, and his words almost sarcastic, but Tezuka does hear the genuine concern underneath. "Perhaps you should take a few days off, if you aren't feeling well. Always listen to your elders, Tezuka."

When Kimura finally leaves, making Fuji and Tezuka the last people to still be in the office, Tezuka reaches across the desk to touch Fuji's hand.

Fuji flinches. Jerking his hand away, he starts to lay out their food on the desk, ignoring Tezuka's gaze. When he opens all the wasabi sachets, squeezing the green content onto one piece of sushi, Tezuka reaches over again, and catches Fuji's wrist. Fuji has been told by a doctor not to eat too much hot food, or anything that may cause irritation to his stomach — years of eating very hot food has done damage to Fuji's stomach lining.

The shorter man tries to wrench his wrist away, and glares with accusing blue eyes across the desk when Tezuka wouldn't let go. "Tell me to take care of myself when you start taking care of yourself."

Tezuka looks away first, releasing his grip. Point taken. "Kimura-san exaggerated. It's not really every few days. I've just been too busy to give it a thought."

In slow motion Fuji puts down the sushi. He hasn't intended to whisper, but he hasn't intended for many things to happen.

"But you won't be too busy to die."


	5. Chapter 5

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

Tezuka has reluctantly taken several days off work, only just to stop Fuji and Kimura from worrying about him even more than they already do.

It has been a long time since he last slept in. Fuji has left for morning training, in preparation for his first AIG Open, and when Tezuka turns over in the bed, rolling into the spot still warm with Fuji's body heat, he realises he probably really does need this break. He has been feeling so worn out lately. In the past he has never felt the need to sleep longer; six to eight hours were long enough, and sleep was always restful, such that he could get up quite easily in the mornings.

But now, burying his face into Fuji's pillow, he just wishes the other man doesn't have practice and stays to sleep in with him a bit longer.

He knows Fuji has noticed this change, but hasn't said anything. Fuji sees and knows many things. Sometimes he chooses to stay silent, sometimes he chooses to act upon the knowledge the best way he can, never needing to ask what exactly it is Tezuka wants because, again, he knows.

Tezuka also knows Fuji wants him to quit his job right away. And although Tezuka doesn't want to, for a thousand reasons including not wanting to back down from Atobe's challenge, he knows this may be, in the end, the best thing to do for the company, Fuji and himself. Sometimes staying or quitting has nothing to do with pride but everything to do with what should be done.

After the break, Tezuka plans to go back and tie up the loose ends of all his tasks, then hand the company over to Kimura.

Pushing himself up a little, Tezuka reaches for the memo pad on the nightstand, wanting to write down that he needs to call Kimura before he falls asleep again and forgets about it.

When he picks up the pad, he sees the word "Ooishi" written on the first page, and almost groans at the reminder. He has asked Ooishi to come over at lunch time, and has completely forgotten about it. It isn't something he'd normally forget about.

With a frown he scribbles "Kimura" onto the pad, then puts it back, picking up the alarm clock. Seeing how he is feeling, Tezuka isn't sure if he would wake up without any help. But as soon as he looks at the clock, he puts it down again with a small smile. Fuji has already set it for him.

Sleep tugs at Tezuka again. Brown eyes slide shut, and instead of seeing the ceiling of his bedroom, Tezuka sees the mountain of Matterhorn, over 4000 metres of rock and snow standing before him, forbidding, yet calling to be conquered. He looks up, smiles when he feels ice-cold wind brushing his cheeks, and he hears himself tell Fuji this is where he wants to be.

He doesn't see Fuji in this dream, but he knows he is there, a warm presence in the cold of the snow and of the world, like Fuji has always been and will always be.

*

"How... How long?"

"Eighteen months. Perhaps two years." Tezuka's eyes steadily hold Ooishi's, his voice so calm and smooth he can be talking about the weather, only the disbelief, sadness and hurt on Ooishi's face is showing this is something a lot more serious. "But they keep changing the estimate, so no one can say for sure."

Ooishi looks down, into his cup of red tea, trying to process this new information. This has to be true, because Tezuka doesn't lie. But how can it be true? Looking at Tezuka, Ooishi would say the man seems to have lost a bit of weight, but nothing too significant to start a worry.

But dying?

"Does Fuji know?" Ooishi asks, his voice small, although the two of them are the only people here in the flat. When Tezuka nods, he lets out a breath. It is better that Fuji knows, even though it must hurt. "And Eiji?"

Suddenly a dark shadow fleets across Tezuka's features. Leaning back into the leather sofa, he takes his eyes off Ooishi's concerned ones, and closes them. "He'll find out from you."

"You want me to tell him?"

"You'll be telling him whether I want you to or not." When the brown eyes reopen, they are accusing, angry, making Ooishi gasp in shock — he has never seen Tezuka like this before. "Like you told him about Atobe."

They stare at each other, Ooishi looking for the right words to say, and Tezuka openly furious. But after several seconds, Tezuka's brown eyes widen. He raises a hand, pushing fingers into hair, his face an expression of complete surprise.

"What did I say?" His tone loses its usual confidence, replaced by complete confusion as the hand in his hair grips the side of his head. Did he really just say that to Ooishi? "I... I don't know why I said that."

Ooishi has never seen Tezuka so lost. Tezuka, the leader, who is always so sure of everything, who never says anything he doesn't mean... he can't be crumbling in front of him right now, can he? "... Tezuka?"

The taller man shakes his head. He doesn't know why he has said what he said, but he doesn't think of Ooishi that way. At least he doesn't think he does. "Sorry."

Teeth digging into lower lip, Ooishi sighs. Perhaps Tezuka truly hasn't meant to say those words, but the allegation is true. He has never agreed with Tezuka's decision to hide that away from his life partner, but this doesn't justify why he has told Eiji about it.

But even if he cannot justify himself, Ooishi does feel, though, Tezuka needs to know why he has discussed it with Eiji.

"A while ago, Eiji mentioned to me that Atobe's starting a publishing firm. I asked for more details, and somehow told him about what happened back in Seigaku." Ooishi rests his arms on his thighs, leaning forward in his seat, and looks to the other man. "I really shouldn't have done that... I was worried, Tezuka. I still am." He waits until Tezuka sets his eyes on him before continuing, making sure the other man hears every word he has to say. "You need to be very, very careful around Atobe - my colleagues are investigating him. I can't tell you any more than this."

Tezuka knows the type of cases Ooishi's department handles: blackmail, corruption, and sometimes even murder.

"I have no idea what Atobe has done so far, and you definitely won't like the sound of this, but I advise you to pull yourself out."

The two men look up at the same time when they hear the front door being opened. Fuji enters, and smiles in greeting when he sees Ooishi. Setting his tennis bag beside the door, he walks around to the back of Tezuka's sofa, folds his arms on the soft leather and asks if the two have had lunch yet. The words send Ooishi running for the door, since he has forgotten about the time and his lunch hour has finished half an hour ago.

Fuji chuckles lightly when the front door shuts. When Tezuka tilts his head up, Fuji smiles down at the man, answering the unvoiced question. "Hmm it was okay. Morning practice is quite a good way to start the day."

With Tezuka taking time off, Fuji has asked to move all his training sections to early mornings, so that he can spend more time during the day with Tezuka. Although this means he has to wake up at six in the morning, it is definitely worth it. When Tezuka stands, complaining that Fuji stinks of sweat, the smaller man chuckles and goes for a shower, knowing Tezuka is going to make lunch for both of them.

Shower done, Fuji wanders into the kitchen towelling wet hair, to find the rice cooker running and Tezuka standing at the hob. "Mmmm... smells nice." He walks up to Tezuka, presses a kiss to the nape of Tezuka's neck and peers over a shoulder to see what is in the wok.

"I told Ooishi." Tezuka says, his tone casual, as he turns off the hob and lays out their lunch of sweet and sour chicken with rice. "About my head."

The gentle smile fades from Fuji's lips.

"He's taking it well." The taller man adds, taking their food to the sofa, because he knows Fuji prefers to eat there. "I - "

Fuji drops himself onto the sofa, moving around until he is comfortable, then crosses his legs under him, his plate of lunch in hand. He gazes at Tezuka, frowning a little with worry, when he hears Tezuka cutting himself off. Tezuka is staring at the food on his lap, eyes blank, lips parted, and completely still.

"Tezuka" Fuji puts his plate away on the coffee table, then reaches for Tezuka's too, who gives him no reaction. "Tezuka... are you okay?"

Tezuka's lips move, just barely enough to speak, eyes still fixed on his lap. "I..." Then his fingertips touch his lips, as if trying to feel them.

The first thing that jumps to Fuji's mind is that Tezuka is having another headache. But that creasing between Tezuka's brows is different, it is a frown of bitterness, of emotion, rather than physical pain. Moving himself so that he faces Tezuka, Fuji reaches forward to run his hand through the other man's hair.

"Mitsu? What is it? Is your head hurting?" _Please don't scare me like this..._

"I..." The taller man looks up then, brown eyes meeting blue ones. Fuji cannot believe what he is seeing - Tezuka looks... frightened. "I don't want to go."

There is a dull pain inside Tezuka's head. Words are coming out of nowhere, flying out his lips. Tezuka feels himself speaking, he hears his own words, but he cannot stop.

"I shall look as if I were suffering. I shall look a little as if I were dying. It is like that. Do not come to see that."

"What are you talking about?" The brown eyes stare blankly at him, through him. Fuji whispers, trying to hold down the ache that is threatening to overwhelm him. This isn't Tezuka. Tezuka never says anything like this.

"And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you - only you - will have the stars that can laugh..."

Fuji knows these words; they are lines from his favourite book, a book Tezuka also picked up to read simply because Fuji loves it so much. "Tezuka..." Fuji watches Tezuka clamp a hand over his own lips to stop himself from speaking. The fear and desperation in those brown eyes are so foreign, yet so real.

Tezuka feels his lips moving on their own accord. A hand covering them firmly, he stands up and steps back, away from the sofa, away from Fuji, shaking his head. This isn't happening. He doesn't want to say any of this; he doesn't want Fuji to hear any of this.

But Fuji follows, and reaches for him. With a firm grip on Tezuka's wrist, he removes the hand. "It's okay, Mitsu. It's okay."

Is the blurring vision another effect of his tumour, or are his eyes misting?

"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of the stars I shall be laughing."

His head hurts; his heart hurts.

"It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh..."

Two rows of warm tears roll down the cheeks. 

When Fuji pulls Tezuka in and embraces him, he feels the tears soak into his t-shirt. He has never seen Tezuka cry, but now they are crying together. Because they both know there will not be any laughing stars, nor little bells ringing in the sky. Death is an absolute end, and Tezuka is truly dying.

"Let me go on by myself..."

What Tezuka wants is simply for Fuji to be happy. He doesn't want Fuji to be there when he dies; he doesn't even want Fuji to be here now and hear all these words coming out of him. He wants to be forgotten, he wants Fuji to move on. But everything is a lie because he aches for Fuji to be here and stay with him until the very end. Because what Tezuka fears is not death, but being forgotten. Leaving Fuji behind, or Fuji leaving him.

And Fuji knows all this.

"I'm yours." Arms winding around the trembling body, Fuji fights to steady his voice. He will be strong; he needs to be strong.

"We'll go to a place where no one will find us. Just you and I. I'll stay with you. I'll always be with you."


	6. Chapter 6

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

When the trilling of the phone breaks the comfortable silence between them, Fuji dries his hands with a tea-towel and leaves Tezuka to finish the washing up as he answers the call.

"Nyan Fujiko, you're at home?"

Fuji would have smiled if Kikumaru's voice doesn't sound like it is choking. "Well I've picked up the phone haven't I?"

Then Fuji hears it. Kikumaru is crying. "O-ooishi just said..."

Blue eyes glance towards the clock. Yes, Ooishi would've gotten off work by now, and must have called Kikumaru to tell him about Tezuka. Suddenly words leave Fuji; he doesn't know what to say. And this rarely ever happens. "Ah..."

"Is... is Tezuka at home?"

"Yes..."

"Can I come? I'm... I'm just downstairs nyah..."

Tezuka raises a curious eyebrow when Fuji returns to the kitchen and asks him to leave the washing up for the moment, then takes him to the living room. It takes less than a minute for Kikumaru to arrive, wearing a horribly creased t-shirt and jeans, as if he has dressed and left home in a hurry. Fuji smiles at the sight and welcomes his friend in.

When he finishes locking the door and turns around, he sees Kikumaru and Tezuka staring at each other, one with mildly reddened eyes and obviously trying to contain himself, the other with a slight tilt to his head that means "what's the matter" in the man's body language. If the situation is different, Fuji would chuckle at the scene, but now he cannot even summon the strength to keep his normal smile on his lips. Taking a deep breath then letting it out, he counts to three, and watches Kikumaru throw himself towards Tezuka, who barely knows how to react.

"Buchou!" The familiar word, almost like Tezuka's other name, is spoken between uncontrollable sobs. The ring of it feels strange to their ears, they haven't called Tezuka that for such a long time now, and they used to say it with respect and determination, not overwhelming sadness. "It's — it's not true right? What Ooishi said..."

It is only then that the wheels click in Tezuka's head. Looking past Kikumaru's shoulder he sees Fuji smiling at him ruefully, and his brows knit in a way that speaks of both surprise, for Kikumaru cares so much, and misery, because he simply cannot comfort the redhead. So Tezuka stands still and lets Kikumaru hug him in a way he remembers seeing him hug Echizen or Fuji, and feels the tears that run down Kikumaru's chin soak into his shirt.

After a while - Tezuka cannot tell how much time has passed, but Kikumaru's sobs have died down to quiet sniffling - Fuji finally steps forward and puts a gentle hand on Kikumaru's shoulder, and speaks with a hint of smile in his voice. "Eiji, enough, this is my man you're holding."

"Hehe, sorry." Slowly the redhead releases Tezuka, wipes his face with the back of a hand and forces a grin to his lips. "Gonna borrow your bathroom to wash my face."

Fuji chuckles softly and follows Tezuka into their room, smiling as he watches the man change into a clean t-shirt. The confusion in Tezuka's eyes makes him look almost endearing. Fuji makes himself focus on that look, so that he can keep on smiling.

Pulling the t-shirt over his head then shaking his hair back into place and putting his glasses back on, Tezuka raises an eyebrow at the smile on Fuji's lips. Fuji shrugs, his casual tone not matching the serious meaning of his words, as usual. "You're loved more deeply by more people than you think."

Tezuka replies to the statement with a smile of his own and they leave the room again. Over cups of tea they talk about the growth in Tezuka's brain. Tezuka talks honestly and directly because that is the only way he knows to talk about this; decorative words cannot make it go away or lessen the pain it causes, only prolong the time they need to get through the facts that make up this real nightmare.

Then the conversation takes a different turn, the focus switching from Tezuka to Fuji. They talk about the AIG Open, the first round of which Fuji has won, to all their friends' delight. Fuji had entered the professional circuit only after finishing university, very late compared to most players, and this has always posed as a disadvantage for him. The lack of real match experience cannot always be compensated by natural talent; the amount of work Fuji has to put in to reach the same level of those of his age is phenomenal. But Fuji had never considered playing tennis for life until university finished; until he realised how blind he was about a man he thought he knew well.

It was only after their final exams, when Fuji had finally managed to get Tezuka drunk after three years' worth of attempts, and he got tackled to the sofa and pinned by brown eyes burning with such intensity he felt shaken, that he learned why his ex-captain wasn't keen on sharing a student flat with him; why Tezuka had never brought anyone home and would hide in his room when Fuji brought girlfriends over; and why Tezuka had sacrificed his shoulder to help Fuji break free of the hell he gave himself, not being able to take anything in life seriously enough to make living worthwhile.

Fuji's memories of that night consist of the sound of his shirt being ripped, the possessive grip of Tezuka's hands, and eager lips which kissed him all over, forceful yet loving. Fuji had ceased struggling after a while, and the assault ended when alcohol-induced sleep took over Tezuka, making him a deadweight on top of the smaller man.

The next day Tezuka woke with a mild headache and was mortified by the sight of Fuji underneath him, shirt torn and covered in bruises. Fuji's lips were scabbing and when Tezuka licked him own lips, he tasted blood.

All that Fuji had said then, with a crooked smile, was "Now I know why you're such a control freak, buchou.".

Inside Tezuka lives a man so fiercely passionate he is locked away in Tezuka's heart in fear of what he might do.

It was then that Fuji realised who loved him and who he had been loving all along. It was then that Fuji realised professional tennis was his calling.

"Fujiko?" Kikumaru waves a hand in front of unfocused cerulean eyes, and grins when Fuji snaps his attention back to the present. "Drifting off nyah?"

Fuji smiles apologetically. "Perhaps just a bit tired."

"Yeah, it's about time I go home as well, need to get to work really early tomorrow."

Fuji sees something in Kikumaru's expression, and offers to walk the redhead to his car.

Arriving at the carpark, the pair lean on Kikumaru's Toyota. "I want to ask nyah... Tezuka's taking time off right? Do you know how his business is going? You guys keep up with the business and financial stuff at all right now?"

Fuji looks thoughtful for a while. They have unplugged the television and cancelled newspaper and magazine orders, so that Tezuka would not have a chance to touch anything that may be related to his work. A break means a break. "No... his father's friend is running the company right now. He'll formally hand things over soon as well." He turns to his friend. "Why?"

"Well coz I was rather surprised Tezuka listed the business, it didn't seem like the type of thing he'd do, and I don't think he's really looked at other ways of raising capital first." The redhead flips himself over and folds his arms on the roof of the car and rests his chin on them.

"I have no idea. Finance and economics are things I never understood." Fuji frowns slightly. "But I suppose Tezuka and his father's friend made the decision together. Kimura-san started the business together with Tezuka's father, so they must know what they're doing."

"Hmm. Well you see, their share price is, well, falling quite a bit. I've been keeping my eyes on it and I don't like what I'm seeing." Kikumaru glances at Fuji. "But if you say his dad's friend's taking care of it and he's handing the business over anyway, I guess we better not let him know, nyah?"

Fuji blinks at this information, and nods in agreement. The less Tezuka worries about the better. Even the thought of how Tezuka had collapsed outside the bedroom door last time can make Fuji break a cold sweat.

"If there's anything I can help with, you gotta tell me, okay Fujiko?"

"I will." Fuji's eyes crinkle up as he smiles gratefully. "Thank you."

When he gets home, he gets changed and slips into bed, curling up behind Tezuka.

"Fuji."

"Hmm?" Fuji presses himself closer to the other man, and chuckles when Tezuka shifts, his neck tickled by Fuji's hair. When he presses his lips to the nape of Tezuka's neck, he can feel vague vibrations as the man speaks.

"I used to be jealous of you." Tezuka confesses in a whisper, but his voice is loud in the darkened, silent room. "Did you know that?"

The small man nods, knowing Tezuka can feel the gesture. "There was distance between you and everyone else," He holds Tezuka tighter. His lonely, lonely captain. "but people were always true to you. Eiji... he was my only true friend. The only one who wasn't afraid of me. Him, and you."

There is a moment of silence, then Tezuka turns around and kisses Fuji once on the lips.

"Like I said, you're loved by more people than you think." Fuji says with a small smile. "You shouldn't have been jealous of me, or surprised by Eiji."

He leans forward to kiss Tezuka, putting a hand on the man's chest then gently pushes so that Tezuka lays on his back, with Fuji on top of him, their lips never leaving each other. Fuji smiles when he feels Tezuka's hands working on his pyjama shirt, and a soft moan escapes parted lips when Tezuka starts to nib on Fuji's neck whilst hands roam on the exposed skin.

They both freeze, and then frown, when the phone starts to ring. It is not their habit to hang up on people because that is too rude, so they wait for the caller to give up. But the ringing, piercing in the silence of the room, doesn't stop. The furrow between his brows deepening, Tezuka pulls the blanket over the half naked man underneath him, then reaches over for the phone.

"Kunimitsu?"

Tezuka runs a hand through his hair, feeling like a child who has received a phonecall from his parent whilst he was having sex. Uneasy and anti-climatic. "Kimura-san."

"I know it's a bit late, but do you have time right now? There's something urgent we need to discuss."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-con warning for this chapter.

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

The drive takes around twenty minutes. Tezuka finds Kimura at his office, studying the family photo Tezuka has on his desk. The man looks up when he hears the door, and gestures for Tezuka to sit down.

"How's it, son? You've seen the doctor?" Kimura looks up and down at the younger man as he sits, arms folded on the desk.

Tezuka nods once to the question. "I'll explain tomorrow, when everyone is here." He has already talked through his health problem twice today, once to Ooishi and once to Kikumaru, he is tired and doesn't think he can go through it again right now and break the heart of someone he sees as a father.

"That's it. Tomorrow." Kimura sighs heavily. "I've been meaning to tell you about it when you come back to work tomorrow. Well to tell the truth I've been wanting to sort it all out before you come back, since I screwed things up in the first place, but..."

Blinking in surprise at the way Kimura is speaking, Tezuka wants to ask, but Kimura points at the nicely printed piece of paper in front of Tezuka and just tells him to read it. It takes Tezuka just one minute to read the concise, but detailed letter, and when he looks up again, he is frowning.

"We didn't have this sort of thing back in our days. We always just told people to go." Kimura buries his face in his large, thick hands. "I really didn't expect anything like this, Kunimitsu... I'm so sorry."

"But what if there is a court case? Can we win?" Tezuka takes a deep breath and tells himself to relax.

"Not likely. I asked a lawyer friend and he said my procedures were all wrong. I've screwed up."

Tezuka fingers the corner of the piece of paper, trying his best not to frown, because Kimura doesn't need another source of guilt now. "Can we settle this with money?" Any problem that can be sorted out legally with money is not a real problem, that is what his father had told him once. Even if they do not have enough floating cash, money can always be borrowed. It is what cannot be solved using money that can cause damage.

"I've already contacted them, they won't accept out-of-court settlement. But I'm going to try again. Maybe we can settle on a sum..." The two look at each other, and there is no need to finish the sentence: but the damage is done. Being sued for unfair dismissal can deal a deadly blow to the company's morale, not to mention the time and energy dealing with such a case can consume, or what it may do to the share price.

The left side of Tezuka's face twitches once. He knows this feeling, that dull ache in his head, it's a warning sign of an imminent headache, one that would hurt so much he would rather be knocked unconscious.

"Like I said, I was going to tell you when you come back tomorrow, but I thought about it... coming back without knowing a thing wouldn't look good on you... Son? Are you listening?"

Rubbing his temples, Tezuka nods curtly. It is true that he should try to learn what he has missed during his break, otherwise it would look like he is just dumping everything onto Kimura and running off. Suddenly Tezuka remembers he hasn't told Kimura about his plans yet — how can he forget about that — but with a lawyer's letter on his desk, it seems logical to push back the discussion until that is over.

Sighing, Tezuka pushes up the glasses that are slipping off his nose. "Since we're both here, can you tell me the rest of all that I've missed so far?"

*

Jostled awake by the movement of the bed, Fuji blinks sleepy eyes open then narrows them when light from the bedside lamp assaults his eyes. Sitting at the edge of the bed Tezuka is getting out of his clothes and tossing them towards the general direction of the wardrobe. The scene screams caution to Fuji's mind. Tezuka doesn't throw things.

"Tezuka?" Slowly Fuji crawls over towards the man. He sees Tezuka's form stiffen, as if the sound of his voice has surprised him. "What's going on?"

The only description Fuji can come up with to the way Tezuka looks, when the man turns around to look at him, is "feral". Before Fuji can blink he finds himself pinned by his shoulders on the bed, before he can breathe Tezuka's lips are on his, stealing his breath away. Large, strong hands run over naked skin, Fuji not having bothered to put his pyjamas back on after Tezuka left earlier to meet his father's friend, and the touch is anything but gentle, but igniting desires nonetheless. Fuji doesn't protest when his pants are yanked off, neither does he mind when Tezuka grabs his wrists, pinning them above his head and hinting for him to not move them. Sometimes a bit of force adds spice and variety, and it isn't like he doesn't occasionally do this to Tezuka as well.

They kiss again and it is a messy kiss. Fuji moans out loud when Tezuka scrapes teeth along his neck, almost hard enough to hurt but not quite. It reminds him of the time several months ago when Tezuka all but jumped at him and took him from behind, completely lost to the heat of the moment and problems that plagued his mind. Something is wrong, that much is obvious, but right now it feels good, they both want this and questions can come afterwards.

But Fuji screams, and hands reach forward to grab at Tezuka's shoulders, when the man takes him in one quick, hard thrust, without warning and unlubricated.

"TEZUKA!" It burns as if he is being split apart at the seams, as if he has been torn open, which is probably what is happening. Instinct kicks in and Fuji doesn't care who it is that is doing this to him. He pushes at the man on top of him, kicking his legs to try to get away even though doing that hurts more. "NO! GET OFF!"

Tezuka goes still, eerily still, before he pulls himself out slowly.

Silence screams into their ears as they stare at each other. Neither of them can utter even a word. Fuji cannot tell if he is bleeding, it still feels like he has been cut open but nothing can be compared to the pain he sees in Tezuka's eyes. His heart breaks when he lifts a hand to brush Tezuka's cheek, then put his arms around the man's neck to bring him down in an embrace.

Tezuka is trembling.

"I... I don't know what I was doing..." Even Tezuka's voice quivers. He is truly frightened. "I don't know... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry..."

Fuji's only answer is the tightening of his hold on the man, and the running of his hand through Tezuka's hair. What is going to happen to them, what is going to happen to Tezuka? Why is it that one small lump of unwanted cells can completely wreck the life of the man he loves the most, reducing him to someone who is afraid of himself?

It doesn't seem like anything has been torn; there is no bleeding that they can see. But Tezuka's heart clenches when Fuji finally gets up, barely able to suppress a wince as he makes his way to the bathroom. What was he thinking? What has he done?

But that is it, he wasn't thinking. There was a void in Tezuka's mind, like a black hole, and he was sucked in. Everything was pitch black but Fuji's voice filtered through that utter darkness, so he searched for Fuji and tried to get more his warmth.

Catching up behind Fuji, Tezuka puts a hand on Fuji's shoulder to stop him, gesturing for him to wait as Tezuka prepares the bath. Not wanting to move around again, Fuji stands in the doorway, not knowing how he should feel, or what he should do.

"Is it something at work?" Finally he asks in a whisper that is almost drowned out by the sound of running water.

Tezuka doesn't respond, but his lips press together into a tight line, which is answer enough.

"Tezuka. Leave it."

Crouching down as the bath starts to fill, Tezuka dips a hand into the water, then turns the hot water tap down a little. "Leave it?"

"It's destroying you." Fuji manages to keep the emotion out of his voice, but not out of his eyes, so he looks away when Tezuka turns towards him. "You were going to quit anyway. Whatever it is, let Kimura-san handle it."

Slowly standing up, Tezuka studies the man in the doorway, and he begins to frown. Fuji has never given suggestions or questioned his decision regarding his work before. Why is he starting now? "I can't do that." He scowls a little when Fuji shoots him a look that says "why not".

"It's my family's business, I can't let anyone bring it down." Not Atobe, not the market, not the ex-employee planning to sue. "And I can't let Kimura-san deal with everything that is aimed at me."

"Yes I understand, but you aren't being logical—"

"What do you understand?" The question is asked louder than Tezuka intends to. His voice raising, each word he speaks is harsh, clipped. "Do you even know what the problem is? I can't leave it; I won't! You don't know a thing, don't tell me what to do!" He grabs Fuji's arms and shakes him.

Taking a step back to balance himself, pain shoots through Fuji's body and he lets out a half cry, pulling himself away from Tezuka. "Hands off, you're hurting me!" Blue eyes glare at the man in front of him. "I don't know what problems you're having at work, true. But I'll tell you what I know: one day you're going to die and if you let those things get to you, that day will be soon. You told me you're quitting your job, you told me we're going to Matterhorn together! Do I mean nothing to you, does your own life mean nothing to you?"

Silence. Letting go of Fuji and pushing fingers through his hair, Tezuka looks down at his feet, confused and pained. What Fuji has said is obvious, why hasn't he thought of that, why is he yelling and hurting Fuji again? Since when has he become such a hateable, unthoughtful man?

Pushing pass Tezuka into the bathroom, Fuji turns off the water. Twice in one night Tezuka has disregarded his feelings, hurting him both physically and emotionally. He doesn't know if Tezuka means to say he said, to do what he did. He just can't tell anymore.

"Syusuke..."

"Go to sleep, Tezuka." The self-defensive smile tugs at Fuji's lips, but he forces it away. "Maybe when we wake up tomorrow we'll both feel a bit better, and perhaps then we can talk things through."


	8. Chapter 8

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

When the alarm clock sounds, Fuji stretches in the bed before suddenly freezing and wincing in pain, then opens his eyes to find Tezuka already awake and gazing at him.

It is rare for Tezuka to wake before the alarm since several weeks ago. Not bothering to mask his surprise, Fuji smiles a little. "Morning." But the smile drops when his eyes adjust and he sees the faint red capillaries in Tezuka's eyes. "You don't look very rested."

Shaking his head once, Tezuka doesn't answer the observation but instead leans a bit closer, a hesitant hand reaching forward to rest on Fuji's waist. "Does it still hurt?"

Holding his breath Fuji lifts his hips. Even though it doesn't hurt like the moment Tezuka pushed himself in, it still burns like nothing he has ever felt before. He is going to have serious trouble...

"Better." Fuji says simply, not liking that Tezuka is staring at him almost blankly with hollow eyes. "...Did you sleep at all?"

Tezuka stares for a while longer before shaking his head resignedly. Fuji watches quietly as Tezuka climbs out of bed, performs his morning routine in the bathroom, then comes back to start getting dressed. Cerulean blue eyes narrow when it registers on Fuji's sleep-fogged brain that Tezuka is getting ready for work.

"Tezuka." There is warning in his voice and he doesn't bother hiding it. They haven't had the talk they need yet, but what happened last night should have been more than enough to tell the man to stop working.

Fingers pausing, Tezuka looks into the mirror in front of him and meets Fuji's eyes. Then he bows his head to continue doing up his tie. "I'm going back to talk to Kimura-san and hand things over, like we said last time." Enough is enough. Fuji was right, he cannot let work take over or take away his life. "Not sure how long it'll take, perhaps several days or a week, but it should be easy since Kimura-san knows the company better than I do."

Eyes gaze at each other in the mirror, and both men begin to smile.

"Wait. I need to get ready." Throwing back the blanket, Fuji ignores the pain shooting through his body and gets off the bed. "I'll drive you."

Tezuka's brows furrow. Turning around he makes the other man get back to bed. He isn't exactly awake enough to drive, but Fuji isn't exactly in shape to move around either. "I'll take the bus. Stay home today."

Fuji is just able to reign in his usual rebellious trait and nod. If it doesn't burn to simply stand up he would protest against being treated like a child, but he cannot help but feel touched right now. He smiles again when Tezuka checks himself once more in the mirror and prepares to leave.

"If you have time," Tezuka's words before he leaves make Fuji grin. "you might want to go online and check the flights and hotels in Switzerland."

A moment later the sound of the front door tells Fuji that Tezuka has left the flat, and it is all he can do to stop himself from grinning at the ceiling. They haven't had their talk yet, they would need to considering what happened last night, but it seems to Fuji that the talk will be a lot easier than he imagined.

Waiting a bit longer to make sure Tezuka wouldn't come back to retrieve any forgotten items — an unlikely event but the possibility is there — Fuji makes a call to his manager to excuse himself from practice. Telling the man that he doesn't feel well will result in his manager sending him for a medical, so Fuji lies and says it is a family emergency. His manager isn't impressed, particularly with the next round of AIG Open matches around the corner, but Fuji hardly ever misses practice and is forgiven.

Next he makes a call to Tezuka's doctor and tells him that Tezuka's sleeping pattern has changed, and that Tezuka has been blabbering, saying things that he doesn't mean, sometimes talking as if he cannot stop.

"Is it just talking, or is Tezuka-san doing anything against his own will as well?"

Fuji decides against telling the doctor about last night. "No. But what if he does? What does this all mean?"

"The brain is a very complex organ," The doctor starts to explain and Fuji frowns at the obviousness of the opening statement. "Like I've told you before, Tezuka-san's tumour is near the part of the brain that deals with emotions. But it is impossible to say if it will only affect his emotional control, or if it will make him feel anything that he is not supposed to feel under normal circumstances. And if that happens, his personality may be affected, although that would be a rather extreme case."

Fuji gasps, suddenly feeling cold. "So is there anything that can be done?"

"If it's just talking, then my advice is to not worry about it."

"What if there is more?" Fuji asks quietly because there has been more, and this type of conversation is so draining he doesn't think he wants to make another phonecall again should anything happen.

The doctor sighs. "If Tezuka-san is one of the rare and extreme cases, then we need to pay close attention. Medication can be given for mood swings, but if he starts to do anything that may hurt himself or others however, then I'd strongly advice hospitalisation or at least having someone to keep an eye on him all the time."

Fuji puts down the phone feeling worse than he did last night when Tezuka hurt him. Curling up under the blanket, he wants to forget everything and sleep until the other man comes home. But after a while he gets up almost defiantly. Worst comes to worst he can quit tennis to take care of Tezuka and besides, searching for hotels for their holiday would lift his mood better than some restless sleep.

*

Having gotten virtually no sleep the night before, Tezuka feels as though he can fall asleep standing up, but those six hours awake in bed were not wasted. It was a quiet period of time when he could watch Fuji sleep and think through everything that has happened since his diagnosis. The reaction from Fuji, the reaction from his friends, and the support they are giving him. Fuji is trying to balance between not interfering with his work and doing what is best for his health, but last night all Tezuka had done was shove all of it back into the man's face.

He cannot take Fuji for granted like that. He will end this fight with Atobe. That long-drawn match long ago had destroyed his shoulder, he will not let Atobe drag this out too and destroy what he has with the person he treasures the most, the very person Atobe has his eyes on. It just doesn't make sense to go head to head against Atobe and lose Fuji along the way.

Stepping through the glass doors Tezuka greets the people he meets as usual. But as he walks through the office, the sounds of people whispering and the feeling of eyes on his back make him pause. Perhaps everyone now knows that they are being sued for unfair dismissal?

He ignores the whispers and knocks on Kimura's door. They have made a mistake, they will pay the price. If that ex-employee feels he needs to be compensated then that is what they will do. There is no point worrying about it now. The company is in the red, with falling sales and subscriptions; the share price has plummeted; the morale is low and people are leaving for other jobs. It might not be fair to Kimura but as soon as Tezuka leaves this job, he will keep his hands off everything. Kimura will understand. Kimura deserves to be the one to run this company in the first place, but Tezuka could not refuse when his father handed things over to him.

"Ah, finally. You've actually made me wait, but I guess I'll forgive you."

The nasal voice, the condescending tone. Shocked, Tezuka stands and glares at the smirking face, his hand still on the door handle and gripping it hard. "What are you doing here?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Atobe gives Tezuka a smug look before tilting his head towards the third man in the room. "Oh, Kimura was just showing me around." He smiles, "Hey, show me the head office as well."

Without a word Kimura nods and leads Atobe to Tezuka's office. Too shocked to even say a word, Tezuka follows them, but stands before his own door. "You're not welcomed here. Leave now or I'll call the security." Anger drips thickly from Tezuka's voice. Everyone in the workplace has stopped whatever they are doing to watch the display.

"Move aside, Kunimitsu." Kimura shoots Tezuka a look, and Tezuka cannot help but do as he is told by the man he always sees as his father. Opening the door, Kimura lets Atobe enter first.

Atobe takes a quick look around and chuckles. "What a shabby office." Taking the photo frame on the desk, he gives Tezuka's family picture a quick glance before tossing it aside. "I'll have to tear everything down and redecorate."

The photo frame hits the edge of the desk and lands on the floor with a crash.

"Atobe!" Tezuka ignores the warning cough Kimura gives him and steps forward, barely able to stop himself from grabbing the lapels of Atobe's perfectly ironed shirt. "Get out of here this moment!" He spits his words out, bloodshot eyes glaring straight into laughing ones. His raised voice rings in the workplace and everyone is silent for a moment.

"You really are totally uninformed. I'm surprised, but pleasantly so." Tapping his lips with the tip of a finger, Atobe muses. Tezuka's eyes narrow at his theatrical reactions, but Atobe continues, totally unaffected. "You mean Kimura hasn't told you I've acquired this company?"

A roar of whispers start, every worker finding the answer to their unvoiced suspicion. "So it's true..." "Tezuka-sachou really didn't know?" "Well he isn't our sachou anymore is he." "But why the hell didn't he know about this?"

"That is not possible." Tezuka growls the words out, his fingers curling to form tight, shaking fists. "Kimura-san and I hold the majority of the shares—" Suddenly he cuts himself off. Turning to study Kimura's face, Tezuka pales. It can't be... can it?

Kimura remains completely silent, although he doesn't look away when Tezuka glares accusingly at him.

"With the shares I've acquired from the market and from your friendly Kimura-san, I am now the largest shareholder." Atobe chuckles, stepping forward to lay a hand on Tezuka's shoulder. "Really, when I heard that you were taking a break, I didn't expect you to not keep your eyes on anything at all. Slacking off has cost you dearly my friend. But I suppose if you start working hard from now on, I'll keep you as one of my loyal dogs."

The world begins to spin in Tezuka's tired, strained mind. The light from the power-saving lightbulb stings his eyes, the air feels heavy in his lungs. He knows it won't be long before his head starts to hurt.

Kimura has suddenly turned his coat.

Tezuka will not question Kimura for his reasons right now, it'll give Atobe too much pleasure. He will not stay around to let Atobe and all those people out there laugh at him. And he will never, ever work for Atobe.

Turning on his heels, Tezuka exits the room and heads for the door. Everyone looks away as he walks by, pretending not to be aware of anything, but as soon as he passes, curious and pitying glances fall on him once again.

"Procedure-wise you should write me a formal letter, but I'll be nice and let you off!" He can hear the laughing voice calling out behind him. "I accept your resignation, Tezuka!"


	9. Chapter 9

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

The sharp ringing of the doorbell pierces through the noise in Tezuka's head, making it ache even more, but he keeps his finger on the button insistently.

It hasn't taken him long to check the truth in Atobe's words. Atobe has bought most of the company's shares on the market, driving the prices sky high in the process, and Kimura has sold his shares to Atobe several days ago.

Meaning, Kimura had been lying about the share prices, and had called Tezuka out the night before regarding "being sued" when the company was already no longer Tezuka's.

Tezuka doesn't know what to make of all this, he really doesn't.

The door opens, the apartment's occupant not able to stand the noise anymore. Tilting his face up slightly, Kimura glares into Tezuka's eyes in a way Tezuka has never seen before.

"An explanation." Tezuka speaks slowly, his tone cold. The mere sight of Kimura, who is staring at him so hatefully, is enough to make him clench his fists. This man has betrayed him and his father.

"I don't need to explain anything to you."

The response is quick, and the closing of the door also, but Tezuka is quicker and he blocks the door with his body.

"I deserve an explanation!" He pushes hard, forcing his way into the apartment, glad to find that Kimura's family isn't in. This is something they need to sort out without interference.

Stumbling back a few steps, Kimura steadies himself before storming over to close the door, realising he cannot keep Tezuka out by force. "Deserve? You don't deserve anything at all, Tezuka Kunimitsu. Nothing!" Spinning around he finds Tezuka standing several feet away from him. "You never deserved anything!"

Tezuka can't tell if it's the words or the tone in which they are spoken that is making everything hurt. He can't even tell which part of him is hurting.

"Why?" He finally manages to ask, his eyes still trained on the other man in the room even though it hurts to look.

"Because it should've been mine." The answers come through Kimura's gritted teeth. "Because I am the one who helped build the company from scratch, I fought to create this empire with my own hands!" Kimura steps forward, raising his arms that are shaking with tension for emphasis. "Thirty-three years I've worked for this company, and I watched it get snatched away by a kid who didn't know shit about anything, just because he's Tezuka Kuniharu's son! I deserved this company since the beginning, and what do I get? I get to sit in the next office and wipe the kid's arse!"

Tezuka feels as if the air has been knocked out of his lungs. It takes all his energy not to bend over and whimper in pain. Is this what Kimura has always thought about him? Has he been that incompetent? Has he always been hated by the man he trusts so much?

"I don't care what personal grudge you have with Atobe Keigo. He's given me the company this afternoon already. Now it belongs to me and I deserve it. If you ever deserved anything Tezuka Kunimitsu, it's the humiliation you've gotten today, and the pain of watching something being snatched away from you, like how I felt when your father gave the company to you instead of me!"

Suddenly Tezuka's eyes start to hurt, and he squeezes them shut for a moment, feeling nauseous. "Was this why you suggested listing the company on the market? Was it all your plan?" And then a shudder runs through him, the realisation of the truth too much to bear. "You were the one who sold information to Atobe."

The cold laughter from Kimura is a foreign sound to Tezuka, and it explains everything: Kimura was betraying him all along, selling their plans to Atobe, pretending to fix things by firing people, then saying that they were being sued...

"The letter from the lawyer..." Taking a shaky breath at the look on Kimura's face, Tezuka realises the letter was fake. "Why? If the company's what you wanted then you've got it already..."

The world spins in Tezuka's head. He grabs both sides of his head and bends down. Pain. Sharp, sharp pain makes his vision glow white, and he can barely hear Kimura's next words.

"Because I want more than that. I want to watch you crumble."

*

Fuji smiles and gathers the print-outs he has made when he hears the front door, and leaves the bedroom to greet Tezuka. It doesn't hurt as much to move now, so perhaps his performance in the tennis match in a few days' time won't be affected after all.

Tezuka looks drained, so he chooses not to ask about work, at least not right now. Gesturing for the man to sit down at the sofa, Fuji lays out the information he has found and his plans for their trip to Switzerland. The prospect of the trip should brighten the mood.

Smiling wearily, Tezuka nods when Fuji tells him in a soft voice that he wants to take the trip for after the AIG Open, and they should try that hotel with the famous spa. He has heard that it is very good for relaxation, something they both deserve. He doesn't know how much pain Tezuka sometimes is in, and he doesn't know if Tezuka is one of the rare cases the doctor has mentioned on the phone this morning. But even if Tezuka isn't going to get better, there are ways to at least make him feel better.

Life isn't about how long it is, but how one lives it. Whilst Fuji is never one who listens to advice and words of wisdom, he is ready to believe this particular saying.

"I've already made the booking, actually." Fuji gives Tezuka a look that says "you don't get a choice but to come with me", and Tezuka smiles in return, his shoulders sagging. Suddenly recalling that the man hadn't slept at all last night, Fuji frowns and gets up. "You need to sleep." He heads to the bedroom, knowing Tezuka will follow.

"We need to talk." Tezuka says when Fuji closes the door behind them.

They do, but Fuji cannot stand the sight of Tezuka looking like he is about to collapse. "Tomorrow. It can wait. Get changed..." Suddenly blue eyes narrow, and Fuji's hand reaches forward to feel the material of Tezuka's black coat. Feeling something wet and sticky he quickly unbuttons the coat and pushes it away. He gasps at the sight.

Blood. A large patch of blood covers the front of Tezuka's previously perfectly white shirt, so red it burns Fuji's eyes. Looking up he searches for an answer in Tezuka's expression, although in his mind he knows what this has to be, a nosebleed worse than all the ones Tezuka has ever had before.

"I'll get you a wet towel. Sleep now, you can shower when you wake up tomorrow." Fuji keeps the smile on his lips. He is horrified, his heart beating so fast at the sight of the blood, and Tezuka knows. It just isn't something that needs to be spoken out loud.

At the bathroom Fuji gets a small towel and soaks it in warm water. Taking it out he twists it dry, then dunks it into water again, and twists it again. Tezuka is dying right in front of him and all he can do is give him a wet towel. He wants to scream. He wants to do something, hurt someone. But rationality prevents him from tearing the towel apart and he eventually leaves the bathroom and gives it to Tezuka. Tezuka wipes his face first, then cleans the traces of blood on his skin.

Getting into bed, the two men stare at each other. As if reaching a mutual agreement, they nudge themselves closer towards each other, until Fuji can put an arm around Tezuka and hold him close.

"I'm sorry about last night." Fuji can feel warm breath blowing into his ear, and it itches a little. "I didn't mean any of it."

"I know." And he does. He has had his doubts but having known the man for so many years, Fuji knows Tezuka would never hurt him intentionally or disregard his feelings. But at that time it had hurt.

Silence falls over them, and for a few minutes they listen to each other's breathing. But Fuji knows Tezuka hasn't fallen asleep yet; the body in his arms feels too tense.

"Sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing, or can't seem to stop myself." Words are whispered again, and responded with a tightening hold.

"I don't blame you. I'm too good to resist."

A light chuckle. Just like that, Tezuka has been forgiven.

"Everything went well today?"

When Tezuka tenses up at the question, Fuji wonders if he shouldn't have asked, but pushes the thought away almost immediately. Tezuka needs to share his problems even if he doesn't want to. Sharing his problems is something Tezuka is never good at, but Fuji has the patience to wait.

"The company's not mine anymore." Tezuka answers quietly after a while. "It's been taken away from me."

"So quickly?" Fuji pulls back a little to look curiously into Tezuka's tired eyes. He has thought the process would take at least a few days. No wonder Tezuka seemed so worn out.

Tezuka merely nods, brown eyes sliding shut. Kimura's words come back to him again, that harsh tone filled with pure hatred, and that look of amusement on his face as he talked about how he played with Tezuka's mind. Tezuka has been thinking about handing the business over, and yet Kimura has to take it away from him like that. What if he had told Kimura sooner about his decisions, instead of waiting until today, and never getting the chance to?

He had trusted this man like a father and yet this man betrayed him completely, choosing to be used by Atobe over working with him. Kimura had never approved of him since the beginning. This man who always discussed every decision with him and gave him a pet on the shoulder for something well done had wanted him gone since the very start. It was power, or perhaps it was money, but Kimura had chosen Atobe over him.

Atobe has stolen his company and his second father.

When suddenly he feels himself being shifted then a pair of blue eyes searching his, trying to see what is bothering him, Tezuka shakes his head to tell the man that nothing is hurting and he should not worry. Rolling onto his back, he tugs the blanket around them tighter, then closes his eyes once again. He is tired, so tired, but he feels as if he is a tightly wound string, vibrating at the slightest touch and ready to snap any minute.

"Syusuke." Tezuka says, not quite aware he is speaking. "It's gone. I..." A pause. "I don't have anything left." Little by little Atobe has chipped away everything that was his. His shoulder, his workforce, his company, his mentor...

Fuji pushes himself up on his elbows, a frown marring his features. He has guessed letting go of the company will not be easy for Tezuka, but he has never thought Tezuka would say such words... if Tezuka means to say them at all.

"Do you remember what I said last time, Mitsu?" Fuji's words are soft as a whisper, but Tezuka hears them clearly and he turns slightly bloodshot eyes to cerulean ones, not sure which "last time" Fuji means.

"I said, 'We'll go to a place where no one will find us. Just you and I. I'll stay with you. I'll always be with you.'. Don't ever think you have nothing." Fuji watches Tezuka relax very visibly, as if the whole body is sinking into the mattress. "And don't ever forget these words."

That is all Tezuka needs. Within moments the man falls asleep. Fuji has to place a shaky hand under the man's nose to make sure he is still breathing. There is something about the whole situation that is making him paranoid. Or perhaps he is just influenced by the dramatic scenes on TV and in novels.

As soon as Fuji finishes kicking himself for letting paranoia get to him, the ringing of the phone makes him jump again. Quickly he picks it up, not wanting to let the noise wake Tezuka.

"Fuji, how lovely to hear your voice."

Fuji considers the merits of unplugging the phone immediately.

"Just calling to ask if Tezuka still wants any of his things or if I should throw them away." Atobe is almost purring down the phone. "But I suppose he has other things to worry about now."

"What do you mean?" Fuji hates to ask but he has to. Atobe is hinting at something.

"Are you sure you still want to be in that house Fuji? Are you sure you're safe?"

Blue eyes narrow to thin slits. Fuji is about to put the phone down when Atobe speaks again.

"Kimura is dead."


	10. Chapter 10

_We'll go to a place  
Where no one will find us  
Just you and I  
I'm yours  
I'll always be with you_

*

"I don't believe you."

"Well I'm watching a rather interesting video at the moment. CCTV footage of Tezuka entering and leaving Kimura's apartment building. Would you like to get it from me now, or watch it tomorrow in the news?"

"...Do you think I believe a single word you've just said?"

"Your choice, Fuji. I'll be waiting."

Fuji can barely stop himself from dropping the phone onto the floor.

Atobe is implying that Tezuka killed someone. Fuji can never believe in anything Atobe says.

But Tezuka's bloodied shirt and coat are being soaked in the bathtub right now. And what did Atobe mean, asking if he could throw Tezuka's things away? Tezuka had come home today looking not just exhausted but torn as well, and he said that he had nothing left...

...This can't be. Or can it?

Leaving the bedroom, not wanting to wake Tezuka even though the pounding of his heart is so loud Fuji thinks he can even hear its echoes, he takes the phone and calls the only person he can think of who can give him an answer.

"Eiji it's me."

"Fujiko! I've got a souvenir for you from Thailand!" Kikumaru doesn't even miss a beat and it makes Fuji think his old friend has finally started to learn how to hide something properly.

"Tell me what happened today." Fuji speaks quietly down the phone as he forces himself to sit down on the sofa, clutching the phone in his hand.

After a momentary pause, Kikumaru's voice calms down to a solemn tone as well. "Tezuka hasn't told you nyah?" When Fuji makes a sound of respond with his throat, he sighs, the sound heavy to Fuji's ear since Kikumaru never sighs like that. "A major shareholder sold all his shares to Atobe it seems. With the shares he bought on the market as well it makes Atobe the largest shareholder, so he bought the company so to speak..."

Fuji cannot even utter a sound. Could it be Kimura...

"I'm sorry Fuji! I've been keeping an eye on things, I just didn't think it'd all happen within a week and I was in Bangkok—"

"It's not your fault at all." One of Fuji's hands goes to yank at his own hair. He cannot think right now. "I'll call you again in a few minutes."

Slow, unsure steps take Fuji back to the bedroom. Crouching down beside the bed he studies Tezuka, fingertips trailing across the sleeping face and hair fallen across closed eyes. The company is — was — so important to Tezuka. It was his father's life's work and anything Tezuka decides to do, he pursues it almost single-mindedly. Even with his life on count-down, it has taken him a long time to decide to let go of the company and give it to a man he trusts and respects.

After a break, he went back to find it all stolen from him.

Tezuka stirs and Fuji quickly pulls back his hand, but the man's eyes open fractionally, taking a few seconds to register what he is seeing and then falls back to sleep.

Tezuka had said the company is not his anymore; it has been taken away from him. He had said sometimes he didn't know what he was doing and couldn't stop himself. Now the words seem to mean something else but Fuji doesn't want to believe them.

It doesn't mean he has killed anyone. Tezuka would not even think of hurting somebody.

But Fuji's aching body reminds him promptly of what had happened only the night before.

But that still doesn't mean Tezuka has killed Kimura. It doesn't mean anything at all.

Atobe could have set Tezuka up. He could have hired someone to kill Kimura for all Fuji cares. Atobe is a man who would do anything and everything to achieve his goals.

And if — Fuji's mind reminds him of this very small possibility — Tezuka really has hurt someone, he wouldn't have done it intentionally.

There is also a chance that Atobe is bluffing, that nothing has happened at all and Kimura is sleeping soundly at home, content with the money he has made since that seems to be more important than his conscience.

Bowing his head Fuji takes a deep breath then stands up. Leaving the room once again he calls Kikumaru.

"Where are you?" He asks, hearing background noises that weren't there when he called earlier.

"In my car nyah, I'm on my way over."

"Eiji..."

"I'm worried about you guys, so just let me come see you okay? Otherwise I won't be able to sleep."

Fuji feels almost speechless. "Thank you." Taking a glance towards the direction of the bedroom, he lowers his voice a bit more. "Don't ring the bell, I'll meet you downstairs. There is something I must do."

*

The red Toyota pulls over half a block away from Atobe's residence.

"I'm sorry to have dragged you into this."

"I told you already, you can call me anytime when you need help!"

"If I'm not back in half an hour," Kikumaru looks so worried. Fuji smiles reassuringly, although he has to stop to think, what if things get even more complicated and he can't leave? "Call Ooishi and tell him what's going on." Ooishi has more experience dealing with tricky situations than Fuji and Kikumaru combined, because of his job nature. He should know what to do.

The grand gate opens when Fuji arrives outside, the occupant obviously expecting him. Nobody comes out to guide him but it isn't necessary. He crosses the front lawn, up several stone steps to the front door.

He has been expecting the door to be opened by a servant, so he stands still in surprise when it opens to reveal Atobe.

Fuji arches an eyebrow and steps through the door into a hallway.

"Tea, coffee, a glass of white wine maybe?" Atobe's smile looks gentle, if Fuji does not think of the fact that this man is the person who is pushing Tezuka to the edge. If Fuji forgets everything that Atobe has done, the man would look very likeable, someone Fuji wouldn't mind being friends with. But Fuji can think of nothing but the look of distraught on Tezuka's face earlier in the night and the sound of painful whimpers that escape Tezuka's lips when everything hurts too much.

"No thanks." Fuji says and watches Atobe go to a small bar on one side of the hall to pour himself some coffee. "I thought you'd have people to do that for you."

Atobe keeps his eyes on Fuji's as he pours cream into the cup. "I do, but I've dismissed all my servants for the night."

Although that means he has no servants to deal with should things turn nasty — and Fuji has no idea what may happen — the fact that Atobe and him are the only people in the huge house does not make him feel safe at all. He declines the offer to go to a reading room and chooses to stand in the hall, near the front door.

Taking a moment to steady his breathing, Fuji goes straight to the point. "Leave Tezuka alone." It doesn't matter if Tezuka has really killed someone or not. Atobe is trying to destroy Tezuka and if he doesn't stop, Tezuka will end up in jail or dead, whichever is faster.

Atobe cocks his head to a side, puts the cup down on the small plate in his hand and thinks for a while. "Hmmm. How about 'no'?" Setting the drink down on the bar, he chuckles as Fuji glares at him. "You're smart Fuji. You know what I want. I won't stop until I get what I want."

Fuji clenches his fists but says nothing as Atobe picks up something at the bar and walks over to him.

"And think about it. Tezuka Kunimitsu has nothing. You're better off with me." Atobe stops several feet away from Fuji and holds up a video tape. "But here, as promised."

Fuji accepts the tape but narrowed blue eyes look at Atobe suspiciously. Atobe laughs. "This is the only copy. I only have one VCR in this house, those machines are too outdated."

The tape is not too significant. Considering the amount of power and money Atobe has, he can easily get Tezuka into trouble whenever he wants. Fuji has already thought of this and this is why he is here.

Atobe chuckles when Fuji walks forward to him, leaning to purr into his ear. He finds himself being pushed backwards until his back hits a wall, and he laughs. Fuji is a smart man after all, he does know how to choose wisely.

But suddenly he feels the cold blade of a pocket knife pressed to his throat.

When Fuji pulls his face back, his looks are cold as if they are carved in ice. Atobe shivers involuntarily, grey eyes narrowing, assessing the situation. Fuji won't do it. He has to be bluffing. "Don't do anything stupid Fuji."

But Fuji replies with the voice of a deadly resolution, and suddenly it is as if the blue of his eyes has turned several shades paler to an icy shade of blue. "I'm not a toy, a pet or a display piece. You can't buy me."

He hasn't planned to do this, he brought the knife along just in case. But something is telling him a simple conversation won't make Atobe let go of years worth of obsession.

"Leave Tezuka alone. He is dying."

The words hang in the air.

Atobe doesn't move, neither does he look away from Fuji's eyes. "What do you mean."

"He should be fine for at least another few years." The pale hand grip the knife handle harder, veins showing on well-muscled arms, arms Fuji use to play tennis because Tezuka can no longer play. "If it wasn't you... if you didn't push him so far... he's already dying and you're pushing him to the edge!" Rage, sadness, hysteria flare in Fuji's voice. He isn't speaking anymore. He is shouting. "You're killing him! He's going to die soon and it's all your doing, are you happy now! You want him to crumble, you want him gone, right, Atobe? Are you jumping up and down in joy now?"

Atobe pushes himself into the wall trying to get his throat as far away from the knife as possible. "Well then you are better off with me. Put the knife down Fuji, don't be stupid."

"This isn't about who I'm better off with! We aren't children anymore Atobe. This isn't about whose school has better reputation or where I can play better tennis!" Fuji feels as though he is about to burst in anger. "This isn't about Tezuka even. Because even if I'm not with Tezuka," even if Tezuka isn't around anymore, and the thought makes Fuji's heart ache, but he continues. "I wouldn't be with you. This is about me and you, and I don't like you."

Atobe blinks slowly. The corners of his lips quiver. He wants to say something but he doesn't know what.

Fuji watches Atobe's reactions carefully. Atobe is used to being spoiled, being listened to, he always gets everything he wants.

It takes a full minute for Atobe to process everything Fuji has said and the possibility that the person standing before him, the person he has thought about day and night for as long as he can remember, is rejecting him.

Fuji's movements are slow as he pulls back, one hand holding the video tape and the other the knife. Fierce blue eyes stare into shocked grey ones. In slow motion he steps back towards the front door. Atobe is too shocked to move from where he is. This is the first time in his life he has been completely and utterly rejected.

"Atobe, go find someone who'll love you."

*

"Fuji! Are you all right?"

Fuji looks from Ooishi to Kikumaru, who gives him a sheepish look. Not even fifteen minutes has gone since he went into Atobe's house. "I got worried nyah, and didn't want to sit and wait on my own so..."

All Fuji can do is shake his head and smile. "I'm fine."

Ooishi gives Fuji a lecture on how he should never mess with Atobe, but grows quiet when he spots the video tape in Fuji's hand. Alarm bells start to ring in his head. "What is that?"

"Something nobody needs anymore."

He doesn't know if he has convinced Atobe to leave Tezuka alone, but he is sure he has at least scored a point.

Fuji thanks his friends once again when they arrive at the parking lot, and stays there until he is sure no one is around. Finding a sheltered place he pulls out the magnetic tape from the video tape and burns it until it becomes nothing but ashes. Then he gathers the ashes and scatters it around the entire parking lot and the park nearby.

Now he can go home.

*

Tezuka wakes when he hears rustling, and he cracks open an eye to see Fuji getting changed.

Where is he going?

The front door closes with barely a click. Tezuka gets up, suddenly remembering Fuji touching his face earlier as if checking if he is really asleep.

Fuji never suddenly goes out like that without letting him know. Quickly putting a coat on, he leaves the apartment as well to find Fuji getting into Kikumaru's car. Perhaps Kikumaru needs help with something...

"Eiji, don't tell Tezuka about this."

"Of course I won't! You think I'm stupid nyah?"

Tezuka's tired mind tells him ignorance is bliss, but he cannot ignore what he has just heard. Flagging a taxi he follows them. The car stops near a building he has seen on the news before: Atobe's home.

He watches Fuji walk through the gates as if he has been invited.

No. Not Fuji too.

_No._

Suddenly everything falls into place. Fuji has been telling him to quit his job. Fuji was the one who decided to unplug the television and stop their newspaper delivery so that he had no idea what was going on.

Has Fuji been working for Atobe all along as well? Is he their entertainment? Like Kimura, Fuji wants to watch him crumble? How many nights has he slept in the bed thinking Fuji was there beside him when in fact Fuji was in Atobe's house, in Atobe's arms?

Ooishi shows up a while later and Tezuka really can't watch anymore. Even his best friends know about this. He is a fool who has been kept in the dark thinking he has everything in the world. In the space of one day he realises his company, his mentor, his best friends, even the person he loves the most are all only illusions.

Tezuka cries out in pain. His head feels as though it is being split open. He squeezes his eyes shut but he still sees colours exploding in his mind. He sees Fuji's face. Words of false comfort and empty promises. Understanding that was only a pretense. Moans of pleasure when closed blue eyes were actually seeing someone else.

Nothing. Tezuka has nothing left.

But he won't let Atobe have Fuji.

*

Delicate brows furrow when Fuji opens the door and sees all the lights turned on. Tezuka has woken up. Now he needs to explain where he has been.

Following the sounds he walks to the kitchen. Something in the air feels wrong.

"Getting a drink?" He asks tentatively, staring at Tezuka's back. Tezuka is wearing a coat over his pyjamas. "Cold?" Stepping forward Fuji puts his arm around the man and feels Tezuka stiffen, muscles taunt with tension under his clothing.

"The bed was cold."

Fuji's teeth graze his lower lip. What should he say?

He feels Tezuka turning around and loosens his hold. When the man faces him, bloodshot brown eyes hollow as if looking straight through him, he runs a hand through Tezuka's hair and massages the scalp gently. He is good with words but he cannot find a better way of saying where he has been and what he has done. If Tezuka hadn't woken up perhaps he won't ever tell him, like Tezuka had never planned to let him know what really happened between him and Atobe back in their school years. But now Tezuka is facing him, eyes slowly coming to focus, and Fuji knows he has to explain.

Tezuka takes a step back.

Fuji doesn't see the knife in Tezuka's hand until it is embedded in his body.

*

Kikumaru and Ooishi has bought tickets to the AIG Open to watch Fuji's match, only to find out Fuji has not turned up and is therefore disqualified. A quick chat with his manager tells the friends that nobody was able to reach Fuji for the last week.

Perhaps he has left for holiday with Tezuka, only both Kikumaru and Ooishi know that Tezuka would never let Fuji just leave everything behind like that without some proper closure, because that is the kind of man he is. They try to contact Tezuka, but no one picks up the calls. But if Fuji is really missing they'd be informed by now, and it isn't possible for the couple to suddenly go missing together.

Curiosity and worry brings the friends to Tezuka and Fuji's apartment.

As soon as the elevator doors open Kikumaru covers his nose with a hand. "Nyah Ooishi, what's this smell?"

A sweet, pungent, nauseating stench fills the elevator hall. A smell Ooishi knows.

"Eiji, take the lift back down. Go home." Unconsciously he puts a hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezes it hard. "I'll explain to you as soon as I can."

Ooishi can never forget the sight when reinforcement arrives and breaks open Tezuka and Fuji's front door. The sheer amount of blood that covers the floor, all the way from the kitchen towards the bedroom makes him forget standard procedures and run into the apartment.

There are no signs of any struggles.

Tezuka and Fuji are nowhere to be found.

Tests show that the blood in the house belongs to Fuji. Tezuka immediately becomes a suspect of a possible murder. Ooishi stands in the apartment, in the bedroom, staring at the blood-soaked bed, and he wants to tell people no, Tezuka will never hurt Fuji, not in a million years. But professionalism doesn't allow him to do that. Professionalism tells him he must find Tezuka quickly because that is the only way to find out the truth of what has happened.

It doesn't take long for them to find Tezuka. Tracing customs records and holiday bookings, Tezuka is arrested in Switzerland, at the foot of the Matterhorn.

Ooishi and Kikumaru are in the court room when Tezuka Kunimitsu pleads guilty to the murder of Fuji Syusuke.

*

Kimura's body is found when the police looks for him for information on Tezuka. His wife, who is working overseas, is informed.

Kimura has died of a deadly blow to the skull by a hard object. The police links the murder to Tezuka but the accusation is dropped due to insufficient evidence.

*

Fuji's body has never been found.

Tezuka is found guilty of murder. Taking into account his medical condition which has driven him to lose control of himself, he is sent to a psychiatric institute for the criminally insane.

Tezuka apologises to his friends. He doesn't talk about what happened but they all understand what the apology is for.

But whenever they ask him about Fuji's body, he just turns away, saying that no one will ever find him.

Every time Ooishi visits Tezuka, he still cannot believe what has happened. Tezuka is normal. He speaks like his usual self. If it is not for where he is, no one would ever believe what this man has done.

This feeling of disbelief stays with Ooishi until the last day, when both he and Kikumaru are allowed to Tezuka's bedside after a sudden downturn of Tezuka's conditions.

Tezuka apologises once again, the mere act of speaking taking all his strength.

"We understand, Tezuka. Stop saying sorry." Ooishi replies because Kikumaru is crying too much and cannot even utter a word. "But please, tell me where you've put Fuji's body. We want to give him a proper burial."

Tezuka smiles then, and Ooishi can never forget that smile.

"You'll never find him. We're going to a place where no one can find us. Just the two of us. Fuji will always be with me."


End file.
